the .plan: 2/02-7/02

the .plan The .plan is not a blog! Track you I won't. But I'm counting since 01/03/01. The second six months in LA. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 1/28-2/3] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 28 Jan 2002 11:20:21 -0700 (MST) From: Leslie Hsu <lhsu> To: boss <gwenshen> Subject: Rock Crushing Party! (fwd) i'm not a player i just crush a lot. i don't advocate taking out frustrations on rocks. ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Mon, 28 Jan 2002 11:15:00 -0700 From: rwright To: everyone Subject: Rock Crushing Party! Hello All! There will be a rock crushing party this sunday, February 3, at one pm! Eveyone is welcome to attend. Bring a rock hammer and take out any early semester frustrations out on rocks! It is a great stress reliever! Directions are in room GS 205 -Rebekah Wright SESS secretary "Gwen told me that you got upset over something on Saturday regarding me... I apologize in advance, but as you have probably figured out, my memory is like a highlight reel and I don't think whatever I said to you made the tape." (anon, 1/28) "Hey goon!! Pics are awesome. Is the duvet cover all red or does it have the penguins on one side? looks soo comf. glad to see you're nice and warm now in a fluffy duvet vs. a welcome mat like the one I used at your place. Which by the way was the exact dimensions of my body so I couldn't move at all or a part of me wouldn't be covered." (vie, 1/28) [uttered by 35-year-old co-worker after we walked through a rock show] "i just got felt up a million times out there -- i am giddy." (anon, 1/29) [you have to know "ugly" by bubba sparxxx to get this one] me: [talking about my work] lil' j is definitely going to be a star. but sometimes you get a band like fu manchu, and they might not sell more than 50,000 copies... skoo: they're not going to sell 50 million and then call it quits? (1/30) anon: with him, i haven't had this honeymoon, being in the clouds, feet in the air thing -- me: what? feet in the air? this ain't china! you can't just make up some lame-azz cheng yu (4-character pithy saying) ...! (1/31) [cf. 1/28] Date: Thu, 31 Jan 2002 19:11:33 -0700 (MST) From: Leslie Hsu <lhsu> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: not quite the same who is the artist who says "i'm not a player i just crush a lot"? is it Jay-Z? (sorry if i'm wrong) [the answer is big punisher -- rip] there was a sign on a door today that said "Crushing Party" not even "rock crushing party"! I wrote "I'm not a player i just crush a lot on it.". not that the whities in this department would get it. R [my cousin ted is obsessed with mandy moore and a walk to remember] tom: drive, dammit! you can look at the pictures later. me: did he tell you that he was browsing the official mandy moore website yesterday? tom: he was looking for pictures to download to his desktop, but then realized she was 17 and it was sketchy. ted: i might get busted for that s***. me: good thing this CD was only $13 (from my tower discount), or you'd be regretting it tomorrow... ted: dude, this one song is worth $50! tom: he spent an hour listening to it (on the internet) yesterday! [later] ted: [reading liner notes] she thanks her ENT (ear nose throat) doctor. i'm totally going to be an ENT doctor. (2/1) me: terry, i'm thinking of joining that gym -- la fitness? terry (a man): duuuude, if you looked a little more like me, you could use my card for the whole surgical rotation! all: what. (2/3) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 2/4-2/10] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 4 Feb 2002 08:30:14 -0700 (MST) From: [friend] Subject: GO PAT! (fwd) okay i swear this is the best one yet. hahahahahaha! makes my day! ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Mon, 04 Feb 2002 10:27:02 -0500 From: [friend's mom] Subject: GO PAT! Hi [friend], Did your friends in Boston wrote you anything about Patriots? What an upset! The whole sity even state is going to be crazy for a whole week I bet! We did watch more than I planned. It's fun and exciting... Oh well, you never would have thought of me, your old mom , will write you news on this! I can be cool too! Have a good week, Mom me: i think you need to go work at vibe (magazine) or something. or the source ... jk: [chuckling] the source ... extra-extra-large (another magazine) ... me: XXL! it's not extra-extra-large!! (2/5) "the meeting is gonna be short b/c i have to go to handleman today ... and then to kmart, which i don't understand b/c i thought they were bankrupt?" (my boss, 2/6) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 2/11-2/14] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002 08:22:17 -0500 From: Jessica Wang <jessica> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: RE: check this out And you were kidding with your "camp universal" comment, right? Because the closest I got to a field trip at SparkNotes was last Tuesday, when we celebrated the launch of the first 50 study guides in Barnes & Noble stores by dressing up as characters and going to the closest book store. I was the Grapes of Wrath, otherwise known as wearing purple clothes and sticking purple balloons with wrathful comments (bite me, screw you, etc.) to me. Yes, I have lost all semblance of reality over here. I need some Cali time bad... Jessica "I forgot the name of the place in the W. It was like most of the other W Hotel bars i've been to. Although there was this 7 foot woman that was probably a model since she probably weighed 80 pounds and had hot people surrounding her. Or maybe the circus was in town." (anon, 2/11) "dude, you're heard that tweet song with missy, "oops" right? is that about, um, you know...something that right with basturbation? i've been trying to figure out what that dang song means for a while now and that's all that i can come up with." (anon, 2/12) [cf. 2/11] me: ok one more time, whose idea was the grapes of wrath? jk: miiiiiine! [pause] what, i can't come up with a brilliant idea? (2/12) Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2002 07:34:43 -0800 From: Susan Koo <skoo78> To: gwenshen Subject: happy VD Hey Gwen, I wonder if anyone ever considered that Valentine's Day can be abbreviated as VD. Ironic that it is abbreviated as such, that because of Valentine's Day, I'm sure a lot of VD is transmitted. Right. I am obviously not getting enough sleep. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from boston, 2/15-2/18] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [this is what he wrote to test my sprint phone's email-reading function] Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2002 17:08:18 -0500 (EST) From: Ken <kshen> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: bootylicious can your email say "quantum mechanics"? how about poop on a stick? supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. ski team. ovary. what if i make a typo? like asd;lkj afkdjsf ;aljf? -ken [in famed harvard square establishment the hong kong] james: what...? me: nothing, i'm just terrorizing ken... ken: she's blowing air at me. [pause] terrible-smelling air at me. (2/16) [he volunteers by teaching music class at a ghetto school] dave: i was with high schoolers, drawing the cursive G and explaining how it evolved into the treble clef... me: ok... dave: and this one girl acted up, and she said "it's sort of like the cursive D in disneyland ... but if it was a G, then it would be 'gisneyland.'" me/james: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA dave: and she wouldn't stop saying that for the rest of the class. (2/17) [we were having martinis with dinner at the restaurant aujourd'hui] ken: do you think anybody has ever puked at the four seasons? me: what? ken: i mean, at a table... me: why? do you feel the urge? ken: no! c'mon! answer me! me: i dare you to ask [the waiter]. (2/18) [cf. sprint commercial] Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 00:33:12 -0500 (EST) From: Ken <kshen>' To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen>' Subject: Re: young ken that be ok. conquer the mountain. the mountain. the mountain. ken: how do you know james again? michelle: i know james through gwen... me: and jason carroll. michelle: right. you know every time [james] sees me, he always says, "i can't believe how little you really are!" (2/18) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 2/18-2/24] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 07:32:39 -0700 (MST) From: Leslie Hsu <lhsu> To: boss <gwenshen> Subject: cat fight hi boss: guess what: leo's girlfriend [editor's note: a really, really small asian girl] gave me a bloody nose yesterday. okay so it was not on purpose. but this was the first time that she came to play ball with us and she elbowed me in the nose. it was pretty funny. she's really nice actually. ouch it is still sore. now i can live up to my name: Rocky. me: [hearing doorbell in background] oh, is that your ride [to airport]? mom: ok, we have to go now, and uh...make sure ken doesn't go out with a white girl. (2/18) Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2002 11:51:00 -0800 (PST) From: Wen T Shen <wshen> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: did you get the remy video? Dear G : Got the video, haven't had time to watch it. Thanks for the Remy-festival. Maybe too much Remy. Got the Remy on the brain, 24-7. Remy Remy Remy. Love, Remy, I mean, Wen [we were concurrently watching TRL with guest stars from dawson's creek] gwenshen (4:44:11 PM): what an awesome job. can you imagine having this job? SkoobyKoo (4:44:22 PM): carson daly's job? SkoobyKoo (4:44:28 PM): i was thinking, one day you could be carson daly gwenshen (4:44:30 PM): no. being on dawson's creek. SkoobyKoo (4:44:33 PM): but on BET of course (2/19) Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:46:11 EST From: Ted Shen 99 <Ted.Shen.99> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: MANDY IS SINGLE!!!!! --- You wrote: she and wilmer are no longer together!!!!! --- end of quote --- no way...that's good news for me. She's only 8 years younger than me. [on the way to craig david show, no idea where this came from] me: i wonder if there will be lots of thongs thrown onstage... ted: really? me: i think so. he's pretty cool...a thong-invoker. ted: [pensive] i'd like to be a thong-invoker... (2/20) olympic announcer: [women's hockey] goooooal! me: [canadian player] "bye"? her last name is "bye"?! susanna: huh huh huh. me: how many times do you think she has to hear "bye bye"? ted: or "bye bye bye"... (2/21) "p.s. have you guys been watching the olympics? tonight my girl - michele kwan is on! yeah! and speed skating - the HOT ass half japanese and half white boy - the american boy - Ohno (oh yes!) is his last name.. ooo wweee! damn, he be hella fine!!" (victoria, 2/21) label guy: hey, thanks so much for doing that lowrider promotion... me: no problem. and what's up with gerardo changing his album name to "gerardo"?! "fame, sex y dinero" was such a winner... label guy: not to carl's jr. (2/22) "I know plenty of Asian girls into Hip-Hop. Sorry, you're not diverse." (larry, 2/22) skoo: i think that the apartment i'm looking at is too big... me: you know what you have to do with that second bedroom? you should find a money-generating use for it! skoo: like, grow weed...? --- me: you know who i feel bad for, is the 4th place girl. she got jacked. skoo: yeah, she's a really pretty skater...if you don't look at her face. --- skoo: buffy (the vampire slayer) is nude -- i'm going to change the channel. [pause] buffy is in the buff! (2/22) [ted had posted on our white board a pic of him, ray, and terry, and written the words "stud," "gay," and "cheesy" next to the faces] me: ray, what the hell is "mobogay"? ray: oh ... i was trying to make a cool word out of "gay" ... and everything that started with "gay" still sounded -- well, gay. all: hahahahahaha!! ed: [erasing the "bo"] there... all: hahahahahaha!! terry: [erasing the "m" and writing an "s"] there... ray: hey!!! (2/22) [we were at a performance for a lil' rapper, 2/23] dancer: i had hennessy, 2 cask and creams, and a moet. me: damn. girl, you ain't big... brett: how much you weigh? dancer: 110...but i can drink! brett: no you can't! if you could, you'd know where your keys are at! "And everytime I see you guys write that you miss "xiao chi" (little eats) I think you're writing "xiao2 chi4" as in "cheap and stingy" and I think, "Why would they really miss cheap people? ... Anyone see that Glutton Bowl thing on Fox? I had seen too many Japanese eating competitions on Taiwan tv to know that the little Japanese guy would beat out all the other rednecks and overall obese humans." (chris, 2/23) ted: we could go to that place next to wendy's...my mom says it's good. or hey, you guys want to try north vietnamese pho? me: what's that like? ted: it's communist. me: i meant, what does it taste like? ted: communist pho. --- [at the communist pho place] ted: [peering into soup] is this a beak? me: no...dumbass, it's beef and pork soup! it's probably a foot. ray: toe? ted: [puts aside the foot/toe and picks up something else] this better not be a face ... [gnaws on it anyway] me: the nastiest thing i ever ate was pig ear. ted: i LOVE pig ear! i eat that every day as a snack...when i can get it! me: "i eat that every day as a snack"...you freak! ted: it's spicy! pig ear, mm! (2/24) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 2/25-3/3] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [at dinner in a nice restaurant] me: ooh! touch the napkin...it's pique. skoo: pk? as in pastor's kid? me: no. skoo: [much later] ohhhh! that's how you say it! (2/26) "Hi. I can't deal, I can't deal....Brandy has no braids and is having a baby....the world is going to hell in a handbasket. I think Monica had a baby too last year. They should do a follow up to Boy is Mine:part II. They could have the babies in the video too. Please tell me that they are both married and not prolonging the stereo-type. Say it ain't so. ... And don't even get me started on last night at the grammys--Alicia Keys is Da Bomb!! That tango action was just like Woah or would that be woa or woah? Who sings that song anyway, "It's like woah" ... So I was at Harvard this past weekend and I wanted to cry. I walked through the yard and everyone looked 12." (ttt, 2/28) mko: atchoo! atchoo! me: bless you. mko: bless you. me: you can't bless yourself! mko: i just blessed myself...i've been here too long. i'm studying in a coffee shop. (3/2) [10-year-old kid telling jokes on showtime at the apollo] "and man, i'm tired of seeing men looking at my mom's butt ... so you know what i do? i stand behind it. i butt block!" (3/2) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 3/4-3/8] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Yeah, I realize that there is this whole working for free bit. I have a few leads that I am going to follow. I sent a letter to a couple famous magicians asking them if I could be a stage hand for their shows. I have yet to hear back. They are too busy making tigers disappear." (anon, 3/5) [i get home at 530 pm and they've been drinking since 2] ted: dude! hit some cups dammit! this is worse than the time gwen and liz played those two white girls!! me: [covering face] garber: oh man, that was so bad i couldn't even watch. that was the most jv game ever! --- ted: hey, i was healthy today! i had salad for lunch...but i'm about to have 20 beers -- as a snack! --- jk: [on phone] where are you? in a chinese restaurant? me: no...at home. jk: hahahahahahahaha!! --- ted: look. everybody in this room has done it before! garber: yes, but not after the age of 5 months -- into a diaper. me: i can't believe the irony, because we were just talking about this yesterday with elva, and he busts out that it happened to him when he was 18, or in the last 2 years or something...we were disturbed. liz: ted, you can no longer use that phrase metaphorically. like, "i'm gonna s*** my pants." because you might. all: hahahahahahahahaha!! --- [the party moves to our local xiao long bao (meat dumplings) restaurant] me: yeah, like [censored med school classmate]? ted: shut up, she's HOT!!! all: naaaasty! liz: oh, she is so gross. i called up my sister the first week of classes and told her about this girl we called the "krispy korean"...her hair was all dry and nasty...i mean, she showed up to school with an OLD PERM! me: ooh, liz just went all black on her...like "woo -- no she DID-N'T have an old perm!!" ted: dude say whatever you want, i'm bigger than that. f***, is anybody else drunk? tom: well, who s*** themselves? ted: LET ME CLARIFY, i've got the flu right now, and the hiv! [pronounced as one word, and not as acronym] (3/5) me: that is awesome! we'll definitely have a huge party that weekend... because you know how med students go by 6-week rotations? that's their 6-week break...not just their 3-week mid break. it'll be huge. ken: so i can hook up with a doctor? me: um, they're all like 30. naaaaasty! ken: not nasty for me, nasty for them! me: i'm writing this down. ken: nooooooo! i was kidding!! (3/8) me: i'm bummed you can't come to the b2k show... [singing] "b2k is hot!" jk: hey, i heard their song... me: oh, "uh huh"? jk: [pause] yeah, that was confusing until i thought about it... (3/8) [cf. 3/5] ken G shen (11:55:00 AM): ted shat his pants? ken G shen (11:55:04 AM): we are not related. (3/8) Date: Fri, 8 Mar 2002 11:56:33 -0800 (PST) From: Wen T Shen <wshen> Subject: Re: Welcome to Dindom! Dear Dins (esp. Mike "G" Kennedy) : Thanks for the congratulatory note re. Ken's entrance into the world of acapella debauchery. Of course, the little weasel didn't tell me he was auditioning. I am psyched nonetheless. [re: a cappella dynasties] Mike's comparisons of the Shens to the Lakers and the Kennedys to the Celtics are quite appropriate. People have been talking about my "Magic Johnson" for years. Wen [i was headed to the vietnamese noodle shop] gwenshen (1:00:54 PM): anyway. i'm out, pho real. ken G shen (1:01:10 PM): pho sheezy gwenshen (1:01:28 PM): i have nothing to say. late. ken G shen (1:01:37 PM): pttf ken G shen (1:01:41 PM): (peace to the family) (3/8) Date: Fri, 8 Mar 2002 13:30:07 -0800 (PST) From: Wen T Shen <wshen> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: Welcome to Dindom! of course. plan away. Wen "brother of Ken" Shen Date: Fri, 8 Mar 2002 00:46:29 -0500 From: japanese friend To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Your e-mail gave me power! Hi Gwen, Thank you for replying me. Thanks to your e-mail, I can have confidence. But of course, thanks to you, my English has been progressed. I still remember the last summer's critique. You helped me a lot! [cf. 3/5 -- ted was wearing collared shirt and pong skirt over khakis] me: hey ted, susanna just asked why you were dressed up. i was like, you mean in the pong skirt...? susanna: hahahaha! garber: his other pants are dirty. liz: hahahahahahaha!! ted: you know, you people ... 100% of the people in this house have shat their pants! (3/8) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from sf, 3/9-3/10] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 9 Mar 2002 11:34:08 -0500 (EST) From: Ken <kshen> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen>, Wen T Shen <wshen> Subject: Deans and Comics (fwd) not sure what to say. ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Sat, 9 Mar 2002 02:32:46 EST From: [dad] To: kshen Subject: Deans and Comics Your mom told me that you got into The Deans. Congratulations! You guys all will become the deans of colleges or schools someday. So that when you sing, you should also study. I am glad that you will spend the spring break with your sister in LA; you can also visit your 2nd and 3rd uncles and their families, and they will treat you with much goodies. Don't forget to send in your acceptance of the summer fellowship now. Since your travel to and from PPPL will be provided, you should discuss with me about how to get the maximum benefit. Love, Dad [i booked ken a ticket to visit me on his spring break] "first class?!! he doesn't need first class! he is skinny!" (mom, 3/9) [we were counting up checks and doing tax return stuff for dad's practice] me: so i was talking to vierra today, and i told her that since she is going to be a real estate mogul and i'm going to be a something else mogul ... then i'll never have to worry about office space. hahahaha! mom: office space? you are running business? me: sure! just like dad. mom: what kind of business? me: brothel. mom: what? me: brothel! mom: oh? who will you enlist? me: i don't know... mom: old mama? so you can be a mama-san for mama? me: MOM! mom: you said it, not me! me: you know, i think you must be the funniest mom out of all the moms i know. mom: today on the phone, ken wanted me to stop nagging him, so he said he read in a book, "do you know what it means to beat on a dead horse?" i said, yes, don't beat on horse, because it's dead, and won't get up and gallop. he said, "no, it means don't keep nagging someone." so you know what i said? [leans in close] "you are dog, not horse! (chineze zodiac.) so dog is still alive!" me: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA mom: ha ha ha ha ha! me: [leaving the room] i'm going to write that down... mom: [calling over her shoulder] so anyone want to outsmart me, you don't think i know what that mean? (3/9) [on phone with ken] "yeah, we are doing tax stuff...you better send me your things, or uncle sam will come to get you -- at 9 in the morning!" (mom, 3/9) "Anyway back to the hot guy [who was hosting her]. Basically a typical dude, but blessed with a perfect body. Super nice, smiles a lot, tells funny stories, actually laughs like he means it when I tell a funny story. Hmm...his girlfriend was not too cheery in the morning though (we picked her up, she had the niceness not to stay over - would've been super weird), he definitely needs someone less uptight.* *And she needs a new name, other than 'Dorcha'" (anon, 3/9) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 3/11-3/17] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [she was checking my sinuses] doc: [laughing] can you even smell anything? me: sort of...well, food doesn't taste right. doc: can you hear? [loud] AT ALL?! me: sigh. (3/12) anon: i haven't told my mom about [getting back with ex-boyfriend] yet... me: why? oh, because he's korean? hc: oh what are you talking about? reunification? me: did you say reunification? this ain't china and hong kong!! (3/10) "you went to harvard and you're a f***in' adr?! what the F***, girl?!!" (friend from other distribution company, 3/14) Date: Fri, 15 Mar 2002 06:56:01 -0800 From: Jessica Wang <jessicakwang> To: gwenshen Subject: Fwd: Ticketless Confirmation Cool, here's the itinerary. I could hear nothing from when you called me from the concert, it was ridiculous. At most, I heard you say "I just wanted to tell you..." So I created my own endings to the start of your sentence: "...that I am going on a booty call with one of fine (though underage) boys of IMX" "...that I just threw my underwear at the stage and now feel cold" (I heard this really happened at a B2K concert) "...how bummed I am that you, the coolest person in the world, aren't here" Let me know which one was the right ending, Jessica Date: Sat, 16 Mar 2002 10:44:03 -0500 (EST) From: Ken <kshen> To: Wen T Shen <wshen> Cc: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: i was perusing some old .plan bits helloooo brother and sister. how are things? gwen, are you readying burbank for my imminent/eminent arrival? first branch (as second branch terms us) will take on second branch in myriad activities, such as drinking and eating. -ken [in korean restaurant] anon: [after waitress left table] gwen -- i'm so glad i'm not korean. me: [laughing] shh! how does this figure into your relationship though? anon: what do you mean? me: like, with his family...? anon: well...i don't know. like, we've talked about it and everything ... but how do you say, "look...you're korean...and i don't want to be!!" you just can't!! me: you're in for a fun time. (3/17) me: so ted, did you see the email i fwded from ken? ted: no...haven't read it yet. me: it says something like "the first branch (as the second branch calls us) will take on the second branch in myriad activities, such as eating and drinking." ted: HA HA HA! what a joke! we'll kill you!! maxine: yeah. who are you kidding. me: well...ken can eat. i mean, probably not as much as bubs...and i can go the distance. i just can't eat that super spicy stuff like ted. ted: well, we'll kill you drinking. maxine: yeah. ted can take ken and i'll take you. me: his nickname is "tanked"... --- me: [picking up bag of nuts] whoa! it's open! maxine: nice save, though... me: [reading bag] "hot garlic macadamia" ? nasty!! ted: ooh!! let me see!! let me see!! me: [pouring out one for ted] this is ted's fantasy...spicy fat. maxine: hahahahaha! ted: [grimacing] tastes sh*tty. (3/17) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 3/18-3/24] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 18 Mar 2002 10:00:40 -0800 (PST) From: Wen T Shen <wshen> To: Ken <kshen> Cc: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Funny Dear G and K : Very funny email exchange between the LA-Boston kids. I am doing well -- went to the SFYSO concert yesterday to see maestro Outwater and gang. Alisdair made an appearance as well. The SFSymphony volunteer council gave Edwin a giant baton as a gift -- we're talking fishing pole sized. We then went home and Justin, Edwin and I proceeded to beat each other with it. Then we went to eat Dungeness crab at Thanh Long. Then we watched Zoolander -- pretty funny movie. Hope you have a fun time together in LA -- wish I could join you - WS Date: Mon, 18 Mar 2002 10:03:17 -0800 (PST) From: Wen T Shen <wshen> To: Ken <kshen> Cc: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Gil Dear Ken : Please give Gil [Shaham, famous violinist...whom wen knows from high school] my best,and remind him of our wonderful time spent together in SF a few weeks ago. Then grab his ass and jiggle it vigorously while screaming "Who's your daddy ??!? Who's your daddy ?!?" Wen Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2002 08:46:26 -0800 (PST) From: Marisa Porges <porges> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: someone here thinks your name sucks my marine friend here says that 'gwen shen' sucks.... actually, he's corrected me and said that 'no. it doesn't suck. it just lacking in imagination' hmmmm..... he wants to know what your parents were thinking. esp. when he heard wen and ken. and yes, this is how they teach marines to be, so don't think to poorly of him. oh, and his last name is venema (rhymes with enema), so go ahead and rip on him all you want, k? p.s. they think you need a stage name - like strippers use. how bout 'big t*** shen.' that might work. oh wait. that couldn't work..... how about 'assless wonder' [i got dragged out of the office at 10 pm to return home and play pong] me: hey garber...next friday ok? my little brother will be here! garber: sure! ted: hey i wrote him an email that said "prepare your liver," and he wrote me back something like "i am not amused by the 2nd branch's antics." i'm gonna break him off! i'm not gonna let him stop playing until he cries! me: yeah garber, ken said that the 1st branch was going to take on the 2nd branch in myriad activies, such as eating -- and drinking. [cf. 3/16] ted: have you seen the size of the second branch compared to the first? me: well, i'm taller than you. i think tim and jim (3rd branch teenagers) are too. ted: fine. i'm the shortest, but i have a bmi (body mass index) of 30! i mean, the only person shorter than me is -- me: julie? (4th branch, 9 years old.) ted: james (julie's brother), who is 7. --- [cf. 3/5] garber: quit trash talking, poopy pants. maxine: what do you mean? me: what do you think he means? maxine: [to ted] oh man. you pooed in your pants again? me/garber: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! garber: he was acting like he's never done it before... maxine: he has. garber: the best was when we were playing outdoor 2-cup last week, and tom asked who was playing...and i said "ed and ted." and he goes "oh you mean vomit face and poopy pants?" me: BAHAHAHAHAHA! garber: they're like superheroes! (3/19) gwenshen (9:49:35 AM): i may have a small surprise for you when you visit. anyway i am going to bed. ken G shen (9:50:27 AM): i like surprises ken G shen (9:50:37 AM): except when they are things like s*** in your pants ken G shen (9:50:42 AM): haha, i'm going to make fun of ted (3/23) me: friday, we will do nothing except for play. maybe i will take you guys to the watts towers. ken: nooooo! me: it's a tourist trap. ken: why, because they die there? --- me: see these buldings? they use these for the shots in alias. we might get to go on the set of alias. ken: howwww? [pause] can i touch her? --- me: by the way, you and i are the whitest people in this town. ken: yeah, i need a tan bad. me: no no no, i don't mean skin tone... ken: oh. (3/23) ken: ow!! now who else could get hurt, transferring things? me: what happened? ken: i jammed my thumb. me: on your LAUNDRY? ken: i was using a lot of force. sometimes i, too, am ashamed of myself. (3/24) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 3/25-3/31] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [watching alias marathon on tape] me: do you think sydney looks good in glasses? ken: she looks good in anything. and nothing. hahahahaha! (3/25) Date: Wed, 27 Mar 2002 14:24:39 -0800 From: Megan Bleichner <megan.bleichner> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: did you get to go to the opening ceremonies? So, I have a favor to ask of you. One of my favorite artists in the whole world has a CD coming out and she's on your label. Do you know who???? Guess. Trivia: 1. She was a former music teacher? 2. She just had a big birthday. 3. She dated a famous rock guitarist. 4. I saw her at the Olympics. 5. She is awesome. Do you know??????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????? Sheryl Crow. I just love her. Here's my question. I hear on the radio that the cd is coming out on April 9th but Sheryl's web site says the 16th. Do you know which date? Or maybe you might be the coolest person in the world and already have a copy to send me!!! That would be awesome and I would owe you big big big big big big big big time. Later, Meg [after listening to new music by a group called "dax riders"] sales rep: does anybody know what a dax is? dax (also a sales rep): a hair care product. for black people. sales rep: i have to read the definition. "dax riders is a tribute to the dax -- a pipsqueak mini-bike." all: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (3/27) ken: what did you tape? me: JG on rosie. (jennifer garner) ken: JG? oh...my girl... did rosie hit on her? me: ha HA! (3/27) me: this is my room. there's 2 people living here right now so it's messy. jk: this is funny! me: it's like east coast basement... jk: slash trailer! me: *gasp* --- jk: i really do feel like i'm in a double-wide! me: what's a double-wide? [pause] oh my god, a trailer? jk: [touching wall] it's like this fake-ass wood, not even trying to be wood. (3/28) [in line for "big thunder mountain" at disneyland] me: ok, it's already been 15 minutes. (i had quoted a 15 minute wait) ken: we knew. me: i narrow my eyes in fury. ken: you narrow your eyes? i can't tell. me: !! ken: that's what my friends always tell me. --- ken: i was trying to slip by (the ride attendant) but it didn't work. me: because she was too hot for you? ken: no. me: because she would have sydney bristowed all over you. ken: no. me: [to jk] every interaction ken and i have must have at least one alias reference. ken: that's not true... [ominous voice] just like sydney's life! (3/28) Date: Fri, 29 Mar 2002 18:50:34 -0800 (PST) From: Wen T Shen <wshen> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Cc: Ken <kshen> Subject: Hey Dear G and K : Fill me in on the Shen-anigans in LA. I read some of the info in the .plan and of course Mom let me know a bit, but just wanted to hear what's happening. I saw a picture of that Alias girl in GQ and mama-say, that girl is hot. I can understand the appeal of the show to little Kenny. Anyway, let me know what's up Wn susanna: i don't like your cousin OR your brother...they're forcing beef into my mouth! (they were cooking hamburger patties at 12 am.) me: so? susanna: i thought ken was on my side, but he held my hands back! (3/29) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 4/1-4/7] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- me: for example, your derisive comments about women. ray: what do you mean derisive?! i'm totally ERA! ted: what's ERA? ray: equal rights amendment. ted: ray's GAGFI. me: what's GAGFI? ted: gives a gay first impression! ray: HEY (4/1) [conversation with actor eddie griffin] eddie: yeah, my dad's half chinese. me: what? eddie: no, really. my granddad worked on the railroad tracks, and he met my grandma. basically they were like, "we both f***." me: bahahahahaha! eddie: seriously! that's how my dad got here. (4/3) [phone convo] me: um, i feel like i interrupted a moment you two were having... anon: well -- no, hey! it's over. me: oop... anon: you might as well keep on talking, make it worth my while! (4/7) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 4/8-4/14] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 8 Apr 2002 09:59:24 -0700 (PDT) From: anon To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: ugh, anyway. my man is good. a comical moment -- we were at a bbq that [friend 1] had at her house last saturday. he accidentally slapped my friend [2's] ass, which he thought was mine. he instantly realized he had *tapped* the wrong ass. both were so embarrassed -- of course, he more so. he was totally apologetic, and then offered [friend 2's] bf sean an opportunity to slap my ass. i was like, "you don't own my ass! you can't offer it to sean!" and during what we thought was a more private moment, where he had his hand on my butt (post-hitting [friend 2's] ass), [friend 1] started videotaping!!! we weren't doing anything crazy but as my back was facing [friend 1], i'm sure things looked interesting. i had total [friend 3] deja vu (as she had taped some of my drunken moments at harvard...). gwenshen (10:04:08 PM): newayz...i am going to bed soon. mm to the hmm. gwenshen (10:04:13 PM): (mm^hmm) ken G shen (10:04:29 PM): i am so NOT impressed ken G shen (10:04:42 PM): perhaps if it had been a bessel function of order mm involving hmm ken G shen (10:04:46 PM): hahahahahahahhaah! ken G shen (10:04:49 PM): i'm a loser. (4/10) [voicemail received at 909 pm, 4/11] "alright, now who's out having a good time? [small voice] whatever! anyways...yes, i'm not working, heh! anymore...job ended tuuuuesday, and ... just been like doing [laughing] home improvement stuff, um, so yeah, yes you can call me *any* time, cause i am *always* free! um, ok, bye!" [cf. 4/10] Date: Fri, 12 Apr 2002 16:02:51 -0700 From: Susan Koo <skoo78> To: gwenshen Subject: how sad am i that i was so curious that i actually looked up what bessel functions were... [cell phone convo with co-worker] co-w: waaaaaaa! there's a bee in my car! i was just at the optometrist and my eyes are numb! what the HELL kind of combination is this? me: ... (4/12) [ordering food in chinese vegetarian restaurant] gkwak: do we know what we want? me: yeah...43 (spicy eggplant) and 50 (black mushroom and green veg). gkwak: i just don't know what to do when i have this many choices, goon! me: you don't usually have this many choices do you... gkwak: i usually have two! --- me: i think we should order stinky tofu. gkwak: you know what i ask every taiwanese person? if they eat stinky tofu. and they say no! but they always eat that disgusting pork sung! me: what's wrong with pork sung?! gkwak: it looks like LINT! me: [shaking from laughter] gkwak: every korean knows that! (4/14) "Did I tell you that I tried to teach myself the Harlem shake? There's a web page about it, so I geared up "let's get it" (p. diddy song that introduced the harlem shake) and started practicing. And when I woke up the next day I could barely move my upper body/neck. I'm still feeling the ramifications of that one night. But I think I can do it if the beat is relatively slow, otherwise I look epileptic." (anon, 4/14) [you have to know jay-z's song "takeover" to get this one] gwenshen (3:38:14 PM): are you ready for the next episode? [of alias] gwenshen (3:38:25 PM): you should see my plan. the latest entry. i bet you can't guess who it's from. ken G shen (3:40:05 PM): [correct name] gwenshen (3:40:10 PM): yes. did you enjoy it? ken G shen (3:40:18 PM): not really ken G shen (3:40:21 PM): it was eh ken G shen (3:40:22 PM): the other was illmatic gwenshen (3:40:23 PM): HMPH. (4/14) [we were being dorky and testing ourselves on trivia] me: see, you could be a trivia buff too. you're pretty trivial. gkwak: please. i know nothing about sports and tv. me: you may not have the breadth that i have, but your depth is good! gkwak: sports and tv! i have none. me: you may not have the breadth that i have, but your depth is good! gkwak: i may not have your breath... [hee hee-ing] me: grr! --- gkwak: who wrote the secret garden? me: mary... gkwak: NO! that's the girl in the BOOK! me: frances, mary, hodgson... gkwak: you'll never find it in the library with that! you're missing her last name! it's frances! hodgson! burnett! (4/14) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 4/15-4/21] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [i had to censor the bottom] Date: Mon, 15 Apr 2002 15:28:08 -0400 From: anon To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: well, duh > > > > ok, one more gripe. [annoying person] told me last summer that she > > > > thinks that [censored annoying thought]. what the f--k. > > > > > > i liked the edited swear word. that is probably the closest i've > > > ever seen you to swearing... > > > > oh gwen. i swear quite frequently, though i'm trying to stop. but i > > don't swear in emails in case people have screens at work or whatever. > > believe you me, you can swear all you want around here. i wear house > slippers at work and can frequently be found dozing off in my office > while mtv plays on my tv. > > G then s***, i trust her about as far as i can f***ing throw her. Date: Mon, 15 Apr 2002 16:57:02 -0700 (MST) From: Leslie Hsu <lhsu> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: alias fool hi boss, when i went home [housemate] and her friend were watching alias. what a pleasant surprise. i watched pieces of it. that guy was gross, he was old, and a badguy, and she killed him. it was ok. (rocky shows usual miniscule amt. of enthusiasm). i'm scared by how much people like it. Date: Tue, 16 Apr 2002 17:15:15 -0700 From: gkwak <gracek> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: hi are you friends with leslie yeh (now at microsoft)? I think you mentioned her before. anyway, i had to email her today and i was trying to remember whether or not she was your friend. Date: Tue, 16 Apr 2002 20:21:02 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: gkwak <gracek> Subject: hi-larious of course i'm friends with her. she's one of my good friends in fact. Date: Tue, 16 Apr 2002 17:21:06 -0700 From: gkwak <gracek> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: RE: hi-larious Oh! In that case, you should tell her to be nice to me. Everyone always abuses the Mac group. ;) Date: Tue, 16 Apr 2002 20:22:42 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: gkwak <gracek> Subject: RE: hi-larious macs suck Date: Tue, 16 Apr 2002 17:22:27 -0700 From: gkwak <gracek> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: RE: hi-larious CRUEL, CRUEL GOON!!!! Date: Tue, 16 Apr 2002 18:35:35 -0700 (PDT) From: Leslie Yeh <lyeh> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: tee hee everyone does abuse the Mac group i've spent the last 5 months blowing them off -l Date: Tue, 16 Apr 2002 20:12:24 -0700 (MST) From: Leslie Hsu <lhsu> To: boss <gwenshen> Subject: bwa ha ha ha boss: i fully appreciated your recent plans re: Microsoft & Mac Group and about PORK SUNG LINT. hilarious. [conversation with san diego sales rep] me: hey lloyd -- what can i do about lil' j (sales) in san diego? lloyd: tell black people to move there. (4/17) gwenshen (11:20:04 AM): anyway darling...i must make an attempt to leave the home and get to the office. anon (11:20:06 AM): and despite my wrath (i just typed wratch again!), i am horribly indecisive in situations like that gwenshen (11:20:15 AM): prob. b/c you're too used to typing snatch. anon (11:20:18 AM): all right, i shoul dget working anyway...well, i'll catch you later anon (11:20:20 AM): ALL RIGHT gwenshen (11:20:25 AM): ok. see ya. (tee hee!) (4/18) Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:15:51 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: gkwak <gracek>, jyko, Rocks <leslie_hsu>, Corinne <Corinne_Chow> Subject: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! sorry for the caps, but i was just watching mtv in my office and the new video for alicia keys' "how come you don't call me anymore" features a very prominent apeparance by our favorite freakish korean rabbit-posing-as-a-dog, "mashimaro." he's in like 4 scenes in the video as alicia keys' stuffed animal of choice. if you get a chance to see this video it's on mtv all the time. G Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:29:51 -0400 (EDT) From: James Ko <jko> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Cc: gkwak <gracek>, jyko, Rocks <leslie_hsu>, Corinne <Corinne_Chow> Subject: Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! OK, I'm obviously not Korean enough since I have no idea who this "Mashimaro" dude is. Little help? James =) Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:35:13 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: James Ko <jko> Cc: gkwak <gracek>, Rocks <leslie_hsu>, Corinne <Corinne_Chow> Subject: Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! i am confident i have written you a letter on the stationery! it's this ugly white rabbit that turns around and paints its back like a dog to scare away predators. the reason i find him repugnant is because his buttcheeks pose as the dog's jowls. G Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:42:27 -0400 (EDT) From: James Ko <jko> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Cc: gkwak <gracek>, Rocks <leslie_hsu>, Corinne <Corinne_Chow> Subject: Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! Sorry, G. I have seals posing as sushi, bears posing as drug capsules, dogs dancing the hula, and even dogs with afros, but I can't say I have dogs with butt-jowls. How do they come up with this stuff? James =) Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:44:57 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: James Ko <jko> Cc: gkwak <gracek>, Rocks <leslie_hsu>, Corinne <Corinne_Chow> Subject: Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! your country, not mine. now i know what to write your next letter on... Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 14:47:06 -0700 From: gkwak <gracek> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: RE: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! I can't believe you called him an "ugly right rabbit" and "repugnant." That wasn't your tone in the attached email, where you were more resigned than contemptuous. Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:51:54 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: gkwak <gracek> Subject: HA HA HA HA HA HA i can't believe you had a fobbian slip and typed "ugly right rabbit" instead of what i had typed -- "ugly white rabbit." hee hee hee hee!! G Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 14:48:02 -0700 (MST) From: Leslie Hsu <lhsu> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Cc: James Ko <jko>, gkwak <gracek>, Corinne <Corinne_Chow> Subject: Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! G, you should write to him on the Korean-3-fingered-Mommy stationery. (innocent bystanders, I apologize for contributing to the MASHIMARO!!!!! inbox-innundation.) Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:48:46 -0400 (EDT) From: James Ko <jko> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Cc: gkwak <gracek>, Rocks <leslie_hsu>, Corinne <Corinne_Chow> Subject: Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! Actually, most of that stuff is Japanese, isn't it? Get your Asians right, whitey! James =) Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 14:51:35 -0700 From: gkwak <gracek> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: RE: HA HA HA HA HA HA I AM DYING OF EMBARRASSMENT!!!!!!!!!!! Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 14:56:42 -0700 (MST) From: Leslie Hsu <lhsu> To: boss <gwenshen> Subject: what is wrong with this picture? 13 Apr 19 Gwen Shen (1,576) MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! 14 Apr 19 James Ko (2,033) Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! + 15 Apr 19 Cin-Ty Lee (8,379) Re: H-town 16 Apr 19 Gwen Shen (1,733) Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! 17 Apr 19 James Ko (2,154) Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! + A 18 Apr 19 Judy Tsai (1,780) Re: yo A 19 Apr 19 Gwen Shen (2,175) Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! 20 Apr 19 To: Gwen Shen (2,382) Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! 21 Apr 19 James Ko (2,501) Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! + D 22 Apr 19 American Eagle Out (8,731) Shop the AE Spring Sale + take 23 Apr 19 gkwak (3,364) RE: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:57:11 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: James Ko <jko> Cc: gkwak <gracek>, Rocks <leslie_hsu>, Corinne <Corinne_Chow> Subject: Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! first off, mashimaro is korean despite having a japanese name. yet another case of koreans trying to blame something on another country. Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 18:00:53 -0400 (EDT) From: James Ko <jko> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Cc: gkwak <gracek>, Rocks <leslie_hsu>, Corinne <Corinne_Chow> Subject: Re: MASHIMARO SIGHTING ON MTV! > first off, mashimaro is korean despite having a japanese name. That may be so, but all the other freaky stuff is Japanese, I think. BTW, is "Mashimaro" supposed to be "marshmallow"? James =) me: i snuck onto the set of alias yesterday. they film right next to hollywood records, which is on the disney lot... [pause] hello? rocks: i'm just speechless, because i'm thinking of headlines: "psychotic girl gets caught on the set of alias." me: HEY --- me: good ol' the rock. [pause] are you gonna see the scorpion king? rocks: why? who's in it? me: the rock, you dumbass! rocks: oh! (4/20) [re: amherst track team tradition in which runners chug one beer before each of 4 1/4-mile laps] liz: first place was this crazy anorexic long-distance runner who finished in 5:30. and i finished second -- in 15 minutes. everybody else spent too much time throwing up while running... me: what was her fastest mile? liz: like 4:45. me: so you're saying she was able to chug each beer in 10 seconds. liz: she was one of those psycho competitive people that always has to win. apparently she had practiced... me: sounds like a freak. well, whatever...let's do it! next time, the first annual liz chung invitational bud mile! come on, guys! ted: there's no way i'm doing it. and i don't know why you think you would beat me at the bud mile. garber: aside from that you're FAT... me: i'm not saying that i'd beat you, i just want to see you try. liz: i doubt gwen would lose. ted would run the outer lap, because for some reason, he thinks it's more strategic... (4/20) -----Original Message----- From: Jessica Wang [mailto:jessicakwang] Sent: Sunday, April 21, 2002 2:21 PM To: Shen, Gwen Subject: only in hip hop... would you get the lyrics "i'm putting down A's like summa cum laude/yeah, i'm at the top of the class" right before "yeah, i'm a strap a harness to her ass", like in the Usher remix of "U don't have to call". Gotta love it... Alias here i come! Jessica -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 4/22-4/28] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [from letter written on 4/20] "BTW, let me mention that I can STILL count on one hand the number of boys that kissed me, UNLIKE YOU! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! And I am including my 2nd grade playground conquest." (4/24) Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002 05:48:23 +0000 From: winnie ying <winnieying> To: gwenshen Subject: Re: p.s. oh man. TU (taiwanese club) has been taken over by little wannabe japanese kids. you know, the ones that used to just take up the corner? now they're all over the place, especially in the stage area. they sit there like it was a high school dance. music is still awesome. [watching the finale of the bachelor] tv voice: if you would like to be the next "bachelor"... me: c'mon, ted! ted: yeah, i could be the bachelor! except i would wear high heels. (he is 5'4".) they don't have to show the feet...i didn't see feet! (4/25) [my cousin ted is a medical student on urology rotation] ted: do you want to have dinner with my folks tonight? me: sure, except i'm mad tired. ted: why? me: went to bed at 430, got up at 930. i'm pulling a "you." ted: you're working the same hours as me, except that you don't play with d**** all day and stick your finger up people's a**h**** for fun. --- ted: [walking to scale] "guess the weight"... me: 165. ted: not baaaaad! you're only off by an ounce. me: how much do you weigh? ted: 165 and an ounce. me: i RULE! ted: on wednesday we played "guess the prostate" and i lost. we took it out and had to guess the weight. i lost, so i have to buy everyone beers. it was my first prostate! i was off by like 40 grams. (4/26) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 4/29-5/3] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- mom: i heard you and your brother are going to have a good time (in sf). me: he's taking me to a "tiny tots" concert. remember peppermint patty and marcie? just like that, except we'll be in the conductor's box. mom: did you hear? rice played with yo-yo ma? me: rice? mom: con-summy-sum'n rice. me: condoleeza. mom: ph.d. and played violin. no! played...football. (4/29) "skoo-bday? sounds like a party with a clown. okay." (anon, 4/29) Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002 22:17:11 -0700 (PDT) From: anon To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: i'm cracking up > (e.g. by 9 pm) i could always drop by your place and say hi since skoo > lives in belmont. yep. just don't send in the clowns [cell to cell convo] wen: so saturday we'll meet at davies at 1:45...by the stage door. me: the stage door?! wen: yes, we're going backstage. me: do i have to dress up? are black pants ok? wen: well it's music for families...so i'm thinking "cas." me: as in jeans? wen: well, light jeans... me: light jeans?! wen: NICE JEANS. me: oh. wen: this is just like the sprint commercial. the one with charo in the background. (5/1) [i sent him a digital pic of a sign that may have been taken for me from the set of a certain tv show] "now to gwen.... gwen, don't mean to shatter your dreams... you are cute, but that sign is totally ghetto. Looks like an arts & craft project from the 2nd grade. If you are trying to inspire me to watch this show, you need to come at me with something better than that. Hell -- I know good set design... my personality test in high school said I should be a motion-picture set-designer... or a pastor (no joke)." (jay, 5/2) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from sf, 5/3-5/5] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- me: so when you were in taiwan, was "mashimaro" really popular? win: oh yeah. totally. and shoot -- i left these really cute stickers at home! you are going to love them... me: what are they? purin? snoopy? win: no, there's this new one... [bursts out laughing] you have to hear his name... me: don't tell me -- a talking hot dog? wait, they already did that... win: [still laughing] no, it's "hole man!" me/viyatch: hahahahahaha! what? win: he sort of looks like kenny from south park...he has a body and everything, and a hood -- but his face is just a black hole! it's like the artist was sitting there saying, "hmm, what will i draw for the face..." and he decided to just draw a hole! (5/3) [interesting evening with two hillsborough cops that started at 1030 pm] cop 1: ok viyatch... viyatch: !! me: haha! he called you viyatch!! cop 1: what's that, goon? me: !! --- cop 1: yeah, like the one time alicia silverstone came back for a birthday party and i had to follow her around... viyatch: we went to middle school with her. cop 1: really?! viyatch: yeah, she was pretty. me: do you want to see a picture? i have the yearbook... [later] ok, here. would you say this is "pretty"? cop 1: [looking at yearbook] ugh...hey, what about her friend, [name]? me: [pointing] right here... cop 1: she was HOT. me: right. well, do you want to see something even hotter? [flipping pages] that's me. in 6th grade. cop 1: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA you look just like an asian dork with the glasses and bangs! viyatch: she had smurf glasses too. cop 1: so when you were in the store did you specifically ask, "i would like the asian dork glasses"? me: thank you, thank you. [flipping] and this is viyatch. cop 1: hey, you were cute...no, i take that back b/c of the big forehead. [viyatch used to have a trademark half-ponytail] viyatch: HEY cop 2: [bald] no big forehead jokes here! --- me: do you guys want anything to drink? um, we have many kinds of tea... cop 1: gee, i'm so surprised that there is a lot of tea in an asian house. me: i'm telling you this now, my parents are not fobby! cop 1: what? you mean you guys don't wear all the jade? me: NO ... vie? viyatch: NO ... [looking at wrist] oop -- er, it's ... plastic! --- cop 1: who's turn is it? me: mine... cop 2: come on, goonie. cop 1: so if i call up gap inc. and ask for "vitch," you can get me free clothes? viyatch: sure. me: it's viyatch! viyatch! cop 1: i like vitch. --- cop 1: [at 230 am] so is the party over? viyatch: guess so...but you can take our training day. we were supposed to watch it tonight. me: yeah please take it, i'm only here a few days. cop 1: what? where do you live? me: la. in monterey park, like i said! cop 1: you're from hillsborough and you live in monterey park? viyatch: it's called "free rent." cop 2: do you have a gun? cop 1: ok, so the next time i'm in monterey park i'll be hooked up with the asian kids ... we can smoke, and play the "dance game" [starts mimicking dance dance revolution]. cop 2: [joins in] (5/3) Date: Sat, 4 May 2002 07:46:33 -0700 (PDT) From: Marisa Porges <mlporges> To: Jay Wiley <jwiley>, Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: RE: navy tales >s*** to do does not include concerts & release parties... I don't care >what industry you are in. totally agree with jay on this one. movie premieres? rapper-ho-downs? sinatra-a-thons? doesn't sound so bad to me either. of course, it's not like i'm complaining. my work days this week consisted of: land and sea survival training(if a bird lands on your raft, shoot it with your pen flare and eat everything but the head, guts and feet. save the feet for fish hooks and use the head as a puppet to entertain your friends in the raft), the low pressure chamber (where you take off your mask at 35K ft to get hypoxia while playing pattycake with your neighbor so you can see what it feels like), shooting off flares and smoke signals, practicing stuff in life rafts in the bay, and fake helo hoists in the pool. needless to say, i'm still loving the navy. oh, and did i mention that i usually got out by noon so we hit the beach every afternoon? you want some other random/fun navy facts: the survival gear you wear when you eject has a whole range of random things in it, including (Get this!) a condom. no, i'm not kidding. and it's (supposedly) NOT for a chance meeting with natives. it's for making a torniquet or using as a water storage container (since it's so small and can hold so much liquid, i guess it actually makes sense. i just thought it was hilarious to hear). wen: so what happened? me: this is a good one...basically i called the cops, and this strapping young 33-year-old one came over...and you know how the shen domain is quite the fortress? well, he crawled through our 2-foot-high attic to get in the house. his partner from the K-9 unit showed up too...with a dog. wen: wow. me: but here's the best part. are you ready for this? wen: [humming "get ready for this" by 2 unlimited] jock jams! me: gosh. [i thought he was singing along to his car CD] did i give you that one? wen: [laughing] no... me: right. so anyway, here's the best part. are you ready for this? wen: [humming "get ready for this" by 2 unlimited] me: [pause] ALL RIGHT, here's the best part, and i'm not asking that question again! (5/4) [we were at an sf symphony tiny tots concert conducted by our buddy edwin] edwin: [to audience] so that last piece was growth, like when a flower gets reeeeeally big! now, what's the opposite of growth? me/wen: ...shrinkage. [the answer was "fade away"] (5/4) me: do you consider yourself asian? k: i consider myself -- KATE. --- me: you're treading dangerous waters here... k: every person i've introduced the concept to has been like, "don't s*** where you eat." me: um, isn't it "don't eat where you s***?" k: [head down, laughing hard] (5/4) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 5/6-5/10] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "loved the story of the two cops. only in hillsborough. in los angeles, if i got locked out of my apartment, the cops would probably just laugh at me. from their precinct. while eating donuts. then i would have to scale a wall and climb in through my patio and have no one to play cards with except my lone self." (michelle, 5/7) Date: Tue, 7 May 2002 17:14:12 -0700 (PDT) From: anon To: many friends and family members alright, off to the bar. (yes, mom. your daughter drinks on a tuesday. everyone else knows, so i figure i won't bother writing a separate email to everyone else and just be honest in this first email to the masses.) Date: Tue, 7 May 2002 17:16:04 -0700 (PDT) From: anon To: everybody on the previous list except for mom and dad Subject: p.s. yes, i'm drunk already. or else i probably wouldn't have mentioned the bar excursion. then she just thinks i'm drinking beer and getting fat. HELLO?! i drink seabreezes and shmirnoff ice? please..... [anon] Date: Wed, 8 May 2002 09:42:58 -0700 (MST) From: Leslie Hsu <lhsu> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: toooooo funny dear boss: I have two very exciting items to tell you. I think they are hilarious. You might too. 1. I turned on the TV while eating dinner last night and it was "The Weakest Link", there was an Asian girl named "Rocki". Date: Thu, 9 May 2002 13:28:04 -0700 From: anon To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: dinner OH YEAH! almost forgot. we are totally on for dinner tomorrow night. provided, of course, that you promise to play nice. just to break it down in writing, so you can't claim ignorance, this means the following: 2) no going into gwen "queen of schmoozing" mode. this is neither a harvard function, nor a pitches event, nor an LA party. just be the gwen i know and love. 3) speaking of love, no mention of the "L" word, unless it's in reference to me. or the "M" word, or the "H" word, or the "W" word. you b****. [editor's note: M = married, H = hubby, W = wifey] 4) anything else that ventures beyond the world of tact. or, more importantly, anything for which i would be likely to beat on you later. otherwise, should you break the seal of silence, you can consider the following subjects fair game: (a) your sad alias obsession, (b) that infamous image of gwenshen on the first day of fifth grade (pink dress + tennis shoes + snoopy glasses...did i get that combo right?), (c) your CTY (aka dork camp) history, (d) your little run-in with SFO security last week, (e) your former magical ability to [censored], and (f) your one-time religious conversion. that's right, all the skeletons will come out of the closet! actually, now that i think about it -- he already knows about three of the above. haha...sorry, what can i say, i can't help but talk about you. i suppose i'll leave you to guess which three! heh. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from sf, 5/10-5/12] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [on plane to sf] passenger: where are you from? male flight attendant: i'm from kenya...don't ask if i run! [leaving plane] me: thanks! flight attendant: you're welcome! me: good luck on the marathon! flight attendant: thanks! [long pause] HA HA HA HA HA (5/10) hc: i made up a new nickname for [younger sister] amy... me: oh yeah? what is it? hc: what's "lame" plus "amy"? me: hahahaha! hc: hahahaha! (5/11) mom: we had contact with the big house across the street! me: really? no way! [to hc] the house across the street is known as the "western white house." we can't really see it through the hedges but it is really huge, and quite a mystery to all of us. ok mom, so why? mom: there is this broken tree from the big storm we wanted them to cut. hc: was it dangerous? like, about to fall on something? mom: no! because every day when daddy and i drive to work, we come out in the driveway and stop to get the newspaper, and have to face this UGLY tree! so ugly! they fixed everything near it, but it was still there! hc: hahahahaha!! wait, so just because it's ugly. not because it's going to fall? me: did you go and knock on the gate? mom: no, we wrote a letter! about the ugly tree! well, daddy...and i...we wrote it together. we sent it before we went to taiwan, and when we got back -- it was already fixed! i was so happy. i sent them flowers. (5/11) [actual letter from my parents to the house across the street] "Dear Neighbors: We are very happy to see the wonderful work your treemen/ gardeners have done around your home and the major improvement in the sidewalks. However, we wondered if the treemen have overlooked the broken (dead) limbs of a small tree visible and directly facing our driveway at [our address]. Would you be so kind to ask your gardener to trim off those dead branches when they are working in your yard ? Please fax us an estimate for the cost of the job if you would like us to share in the gardener's charges. Thank you for your attention to our request." dad: "your mother, agonized about this letter so long...it used to be more concise. but she revised, and forged my signature at the bottom!" (5/11) [i walk into the wong kitchen, and see sylvia in bright blue goggles] me: and...what's going on? syl: [cutting onions] just a normal day. me: i... [long pause] OH! so you won't cry from the onions. hahahahaha! syl: it was vie's idea, actually. vie: did it help? syl: quite. (5/12) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 5/13-5/19] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- skoo: [looking at undercover brother soundtrack cover] is that denise richards?? me: yes, you have to see the movie. it's so funny. i'll get you a free screening pass. skoo: is she playing a black person? [the answer is no.] me: ... --- skoo: i didn't know how smart [friend's girlfriend] was. me: every once in a while you find a pretty smart girl. you know, a smart girl who's also hot. skoo: [quietly to herself] every morning in the mirror. [pause] did you know we had an earthquake yesterday? i missed my first earthquake!! me: ... i am so writing that down. skoo: you set me up! (5/14) friend at label (2:14:45 AM): good lord friend (2:14:49 AM): zzzzzzzzzz gwenshen (2:14:51 AM): i don't know. gwenshen (2:14:54 AM): i am concerned. gwenshen (2:14:55 AM): where are you? gwenshen (2:15:00 AM): if you say office, i am going to cry softly. friend (2:15:04 AM): um gwenshen (2:15:08 AM): ALL RIGHT. friend (2:15:08 AM): get the tissues ready gwenshen (2:15:15 AM): what happened to going INTO the office at like 5 am on weds? [wednesdays are soundscan reporting days, quite busy] gwenshen (2:15:22 AM): now you are just STAYING from tuesday and not even sleeping? (5/15) [he walks in with two two-sided posters...brandy/b2k and usher/p. diddy] co-worker: [enticing] you want one of these, don't you...? me: um...no. co-worker: [flipping usher over] come on, i know you like diddy... me: ... ... ALL RIGHT! i love diddy!! co-worker: [handing it over] i knew it! me: i cannot believe you subscribe to "black beat." co-worker: i don't! they just send it to me! me: SURE... (5/15) gwenshen (4:08:58 PM): i'm faxing it now do i need a cover sheet? head of sales at a label (4:17:43 PM): yes gwenshen (4:18:29 PM): ok, just tried to fax it to [phone number] but it be busy. label (4:18:44 PM): "it be busy"? (5/16) dj quik: [on phone with my friend] so what's your name again? anterine? hmm. i'll have to hook you up in a song...what rhymes with anterine? [listening] tangerine? naw. that doesn't rhyme! me: grass is green. dj quik: homegirl just said grass is green. i'm 'bout to hook it up. --- head of label sales: so what did you get for your kids? that's all? rap label owner: yeah, just trl pop. me: how old are your kids? owner: 7 and 9. me: oh, ok! i can totally send you some disney promos. head of sales: what about ME?! me: um, do you have kids who are 7 and 9? dj quik: i got 79 kids. [pause] oh boy! (5/17) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 5/20-5/24] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- me: so are you going to dinner with [friend's family]? rocks: i think so...her parents are soooo nice! have you met them? me: i know! yes i've met them. rocks: and the mom, she doesn't really speak english...well she does, but she doesn't like to, anyway, she says things a taiwanese mom would say, so i understood all the chinese! me: really? like what? rocks: like..."eat this." (5/23) e-factor: she might be of the oriental persuasion, but inside she all chocolate! chubbs: yeah, she my n****! me: oh boy? (5/23) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from sf, 5/24-5/28] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ken: so apparently i have to cook for myself this summer. mom: what are you going to do? you can eat out a lot. hahahaha! me: i think ken should move to la after college and we can get an apartment together. mom: excuuuuse me? i don't think so. he is going to -- me: hello!! what about caltech? ken, where did you want to go? ken: i was thinking stanford. me: fine, then i'll just move back and we can move in then. mom: no, that means he can't have a girlfriend... ken: this is very true. me: well, not necessarily. mom: or a sex life! me/ken: !!! mom: hahahaha! (5/25) [playing wiffle ball in the backyard] wen: gwen, can you go to the shed and get another ball -- why are you dressed like that? me: what do you mean, why am i dressed like this?! wen: you look like a 70s gym queen. me: i do NOT! wen: whatever, marcia. ken: jan. --- [in the kitchen before heading for the mall] me: so when are you going to visit me in la? wen: this summer. me: do you want to go to new york with me? or bermuda? dad: did you hear how fast she talks? didda-didda-didda-didda... mom: OKAY, IS THERE A BRIDE IN THE HOUSE?! all: ... mom: how long does he [ken] take to get dressed?! --- [driving to stanford shopping center] dad: mom and i have an announcement... me: mom's pregnant again? ken: yeah!! are we going to have a brother or a sister? dad: we are going to celebrate our honeymoon again next year, and the three of yous are invited. wen: "yous." because we're from brooklyn. --- me: i'm going to bermuda this summer, anyone want to go? mom: there is gang violence there. me: what?! mom: daddy read it in the travel section today. wen: yeah. the conchs, and the oleanders. me: [grim face] --- dad: ken, did you enjoy the mangoes i cut for you? ken: definitely. dad: we were waiting for wen to cut the pineapple with his surgeon hand. you could show the physicist how to cut a pineapple. wen: ken knows how to cut it... [dr. evil voice] with lasers! --- [the driver of a passing car really resembled wwf star the rock] wen: hey look! it's mini rock...it's "pebble." --- mom: we still have the $200 gift certificate to the symphony. wen can help us pick what to see... ken: how did you get that? mom: it's leftover from our anniversary last year. dad: how about lang lang? (a chinese pianist) ken: isn't that a panda? --- mom: this year there are 2 presidential scholars from cupertino. both are chinese girls and going to harvard. dad: ken. ken: oh no... dad: one good looking, one not so good looking. --- dad: i am going to do dictation, and then we will watch 50th anniversary special (on tv). wen have you done dictation? wen: of course! "this is dr. wen shen #61065 dictating a post-operative summary. [pause] patient's name ken shen, k-e-n-s-h-e-n, date of birth 9/3/1982. [speaking quickly] pre-operative diagnosis testicular insufficiency, post-operative diagnosis the same. procedure: left ball enlargement. anesthesia: none." ken: HEY! wen: patient was on table and screamed like a girl. several nurses held him down but he still managed to scream, kick, and cry. me: hahahahaha!! (5/26) ken: i'm living in a vegetarian co-op (this summer). [chuckles] me: are you sure they'll allow you to eat meat there? ken: they won't be living there...and i'm sure they would have told us. me: what if it's princeton plasma vegetarian lab? ken: then it would be ppvl. it's pppl. plasma physics! me: what is plasma anyway? ken: like the sun. me: no...are you serious? ken: yes! me: or are you pulling the wool over my lil' eyes... ken: what do you think the sun is?? me: isn't it just bits? ken: of what? me: of light! ken: [concerned] oh boy...if i had a plan, it would go in there. (5/28) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 5/28-6/2] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [sapporo ichiban is a popular and tasty brand of japanese ramen] Date: Tue, 28 May 2002 12:28:19 -0700 (PDT) From: anon This is a bit gross, but funny. I've recently had a contact dermatitis in my gluteal region (i.e., rash on my butt, probably due to new soap). [girlfriend] has thus taken to calling me "Sapporo Itchy-Buns". Thought you might like that. Please maintain anonymity if you happen to post this on the freakin' internet. [anon] (S I-B) me: so did you get the p diddy cd? i like the usher song... hc: yes. i do too... me: but have you noticed that it's the only good song on the cd? hc: YES! half the shee-d is ... oop! [laughing] i just said it like a japanese person! me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA hc: F***! me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA hc: i meant, half the cd is s***! (5/29) [two gems of the voicemail] "hey gwen, what's up? dude you gotta start taking responsibility for the lep, you know? you can't just be busting out the leopard dress for any ol' occasion, like a freakin' premiere...cause you know the ramifications of when that dress comes out! anyways, just give me a call, ok bye!" --- "hey, what's up? i know you're at lunch, i just wanted to tell you that -- cause i thought you'd appreciate it -- but this girl stopped me, as i was getting off the subway, she was like "''scuse me! 'scuse me!" she's like, "but your panties are showing!" [chuckling] ahhhhhh...anyways, all right, bye, late" (anon, 5/29) [i was wearing a certain dress to the undercover brother premiere] brett: come on gwen, you have to take the jacket off... me: all right. [modeling] liv: [very high voice for a man] more than a woman! more than a woman! me: nooo... (5/30) [my date to the premiere last night walked in my office this morning... wearing the same clothes from last night] chuck: hey. [pointing at self] me: [looking up] no... chuck: had to do it. me: who was she?!!! chuck: [chuckle] (5/31) ken: so did you meet denise richards? me: indeed i did. and bibby! ken: you talked to mike bibby? why didn't you tell him to win tonight?! (5/31) [she's small, in the navy, and very white] "hey girlfriend! it's me. i'm just calling to let you know about this new bracelet i got, it's so...god [cracking up], i can't even talk -- it's got such bling-bling man, you'd love it! all right, that's all [hee!] out!" (porgie, 6/2) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 6/3-6/9] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 3 Jun 2002 08:08:15 -0700 (PDT) From: corinne chow <corinnechow> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: sup you know what i just thought of that made me bust up laughing?! how flat my hair was that night we met up for dinner at the cheesecake factory... what the hell was going on? me: 1500 * 12...help. k: look. i've been drinking. i'm not doing any math. (6/3) [we were at the dj quik in-store at wherehouse ladera center] "[marveling] i have never seen so many stoned people in my LIFE! i mean, their eyes are just glassy and red! [inhaling] whoo!" (co-worker, 6/4) [a pal of mine at the gym has a huge star of david tattoo on his forearm] me: so do you think there will ever be peace in the middle east in your lifetime? oan: no. they are taught to hate from a young age. [more discussion] me: i'm assuming most people don't know you're from israel b/c you're so tan. when you're over here do a lot of people think you're muslim? oan: [nodding] in san diego. they always thought i was arab. i used to work in a store. they would see me and get all tense...until i gave them their change, and [making big flourish with arm] surprise! (6/5) me: all righty, it appears as if you are no longer there. ok. can't hear ya. [pause] and it's wonderful. ah...time for the ol' monologue... k: YOU B****. me: NOW i can hear ya. (6/7) [i AOL IM-ed her a very large "MAYHAP!"] "oh my god, you b****! oh my god, that's so violating! i don't even know what to say, you've invaded my space." (k, 6/7) [she had been telling me about how _the view_ had censored "jesus," and yes we were talking and IM-ing at the same time] k [chatting] (12:15:42 AM): "" me: what is that? four quotes? k [talking]: two quotes! k [chatting] (12:15:46 AM): (that was, "jesus") me: what?! k [talking]: it's censored. me: ok, i think you mean gwenshen (12:16:10 AM): "[censored]" k [talking]: hahahahahahahaha (6/7) [we had recently talked about how i thought _the road home_ sucked] Date: Sat, 8 Jun 2002 21:21:32 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: Wen Shen <wshen> Subject: time asia article this is from an interview with director zhang yimou about "the road home": TIME: Can you tell us something that a reader would find surprising about Zhang Ziyi, something people would not know or would not have read about her? Zhang: There were a lot of scenes in "The Road Home" that required Zhang Ziyi to run in the forest, and we had to shoot them in slow motion. But for every running scene we shot -- and we were filming at a relatively high altitude -- she fell down during half of the takes. We must have done 300 or 400 takes and she fell down during half of them. Often we'd be shooting and all of sudden she'd fall out of the range of the camera. It was exhausting and it must have been quite painful for her. And she didn't get sick. But when you watch the scenes they're just beautiful. I personally found her stamina astonishing. Later, she filmed Crouching Tiger but she barely told me what she had to do physically. But when I saw the film, again I was just amazed. I asked Ang Lee how many of the stunts she'd performed herself and he told me that she did the majority of them. She rarely used a stunt double. TIME: Did she ever cry during those running scenes? And did you have to give her a big hug and say, "Look, it's O.K. You were fine?" Zhang: We were often filming her from very far and we couldn't see her fall. I'd just yell to her through a bullhorn: "Do it again! Do it again!" There was one scene in the movie when she was running in the snow and she fell, and then got back up and kept on running. We hadn't planned that but we kept the cameras running. It just made for a perfect shot. She shot that scene 15 times and then I called out to her: "Okay, Ziyi, you can come down now." And when she came down we realized she was crying. TIME: So did you hug her? Zhang: No. I just said, "Don't cry. Don't cry," and sent her to have her makeup redone. Date: Sun, 9 Jun 2002 10:32:00 -0700 (PDT) From: Wen T Shen <wshen> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: time asia article Fricken hilarious. The insensitive Chinese taskmaster, the clumsy young ingenue. Hilarious. "oh, and i help cook sometimes. i made the salad tonight (pored it out of the bag into bowls and everything)" (porgie, 6/9) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 6/10-6/16] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I just want it to be a general party, with some good company, music, sensible alcohol consumption, and an over all good vibe. As for hoochie-dress, it's another party no-no, skirts will be measured, tube tops will get the gas face, and any tasteless, glittery, Mariah Carey-type, attempts at seduction by fashion will get their fun crushed." (kaelen, 6/10) [you have to know 2pac's "all bout u" to love this one] Date: Tue, 11 Jun 2002 08:00:05 -0700 From: "Fan, Victoria" <Victoria.Fan> To: 'Gwen Shen' <gwenshen> Subject: RE: happy birthday!!!! yo girl - i just got back from italia.. it was off the hook.. for sheezy my neezy!!! i love life and earth and people.. anyway, girl - is you sick from the d*** or is it the flu? it aint my birthday.. my bday is in dec... gotta run to training now.. ta ta.. love and kisses, victoria "and get this: it's 6 am, just got up, checking email and there's a knocking at the door. huh? so i go open it and there's a guy there who looks at me and starts to say 'how come the door is locked?' and then realized he had the wrong apt. sounds likea a drunkin' faux pas i'd make!" (porgie, 6/13) [i told her i could stay with my friend letitia...yang] "no no no, you can definitely stay at my place. we should have the place more or less cleaned up by then. why is it that we always go to the same place, but miss each other by a few days? i'll be back from miami on the 7th. maybe you could stay with shaniqua until then and then switch over to my place on the 7th or 8th? does that work?" (corinne, 6/13) Date: Tue, 11 Jun 2002 14:14:03 -0700 (PDT) From: Wen T Shen <wshen> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Cc: Keeb <kshen> Subject: Dusty's rappin' Dear G and K : Check out this quote from Dusty Baker. He got in trouble because he referred to Roger Clemens as "Roger the Dodger". It reminds me of the time I got in trouble for referring to [edited] as "large Marge" and passed it off as "rappin' and rhymin'". Wen Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2002 16:41:32 -0400 From: kshen To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Cc: Wen T Shen <wshen> Subject: Re: Dusty's rappin' several things. first of all, the quote was indeed amusing. second of all, i will indeed be in town those dates. so you can come and visit your little bro. you do have a place to stay, but you may find our house a little...strange. that is all. -ken Date: Thu, 13 Jun 2002 08:43:13 -0700 (PDT) From: Wen T Shen <wshen> To: kshen Cc: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: Dusty's rappin' Why strange ? Naked ladies walking around all the time ? Goats ? Deaf-mutes ? Fill me in. Wen Date: Thu, 13 Jun 2002 14:04:59 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: Wen T Shen <wshen> Cc: kshen Subject: Re: Dusty's rappin' sometimes i wonder how we are related. Date: Thu, 13 Jun 2002 16:29:28 -0400 From: kshen To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Cc: Wen T Shen <wshen> Subject: Re: Dusty's rappin' "why strange"? perhaps because there are 20 physics students in a confined space. it's the real world. physics style. -ken (the crazy one who insults everyone and don't give nohow 'bout nobahdy) Date: Thu, 13 Jun 2002 13:56:13 -0700 (PDT) From: corinne chow <corinnechow> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA oh, just so you know - kel has a cat that sheds like her life depended on it. hope it doesn't aggravate your allergies too much. hey, maybe my friend keisha and raquita can hang out with letitia and shaniqua... Date: Thu, 13 Jun 2002 17:04:30 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: corinne chow <corinnechow> Subject: Re: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA oh great about the cat. that could actually be a deal breaker b/c my allergies have been really bad lately. G Date: Thu, 13 Jun 2002 14:13:42 -0700 (PDT) From: corinne chow <corinnechow> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA maybe we could stuff the cat into a pillowcase or something while you're here... [from letter dated 6/11] "I am going to reply specifically to your letter and e-mails later (want to maintain illusion of not 'non-work' (double negative, double parentheses)). I will just make some general comments about life since Pine. (maybe in random order) 1. Waitress @ restaurant in Grand Canyon asked my mom if we needed a children's menu for me." (rocks) rocks: hello. me: is rocky there? rocks: yes, may i help you? me: i would like some...gas. [she has an internship at triple-xxxon] rocks: hee hee hee! me: so does rocky have her own office or is she cubicleized? rocks: office. me: alone? rocks: yes. me: what is rocky's office number? rocks: 750. me: PHONE NUMBER. (6/14) mike: youngsters... michelle: why, how old are you? mike: 28. kaelen: man, you look so young! that gives me hope... judy: that you'll live that long? (6/14) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 6/17-6/23] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [she works at the nbc nightly news and has to be quiet around brokaw] ttt: this is ttt. me: i know you can't talk, but i need your address...i got a lil' sum'n sum'n to send ya! ttt: [whispering excitedly] is it hot in herre? hot in herre? hot? hot! me: hahahahahahahaha! maybe...and a lil' truth hurts. ttt: oh gwen, i saw a BET teen summit about video hoes... me: what? ttt: [later] my friends are making me karaoke tonight, and it's serious, only good people...i'm singing madonna's "tell me." me: [gasp] why are you singing that? ttt: b/c the crowd isn't quite appreciative of people of color's music, so i felt that the only thing that was close was "tell me." (6/17) [he had steve harvey VIP passes with a hole punched through the top words] george: guess i can't use these huh? me: it's fine...why not? george: it says "VIP ASS." me: oh s***. hahahahaha! [overheard down the hall after george walked away] sharon: [piping laughter] ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! george: i just spent a gang of time making these too...s***... (6/17) [i am taking a widespread poll of color choices for a motor scooter] JeremyCondit (11:32:36 AM): denim, definitely. JeremyCondit (11:32:40 AM): also, you're going to kill yourself gwenshen (11:32:59 AM): EVERYBODY says denim! crazy. i am NOT going to kill myself. helmet and the top speed is 40 mph. although i am touched by your concern for my health... JeremyCondit (11:33:37 AM): heh! you can still kill yourself at 40mph, with a helmet. JeremyCondit (11:33:45 AM): and denim is the obvious choice. the others just clearly suck. gwenshen (11:33:47 AM): sigh. mr. safety-conscious! gwenshen (11:33:57 AM): what about baby blue?? JeremyCondit (11:34:05 AM): mr. raised-with-a-motorcycle-aversion JeremyCondit (11:34:20 AM): nope. no baby blue. gwenshen (11:34:52 AM): you don't think it's cute? at all? (sigh.) gwenshen (11:34:58 AM): my friend vierra called it "too hello kitty." JeremyCondit (11:35:24 AM): yes. it looks like a toy JeremyCondit (11:35:40 AM): because denim IS the OBVIOUS choice! isn't that clear? gwenshen (11:36:10 AM): ok, you win. i am picking denim. this means i won't have to drive to santa monica to shop around (far away, but the only dealership with sky blue). gwenshen (11:36:15 AM): i can just cruise over to glendale. JeremyCondit (11:36:38 AM): excellent. may god have mercy on your soul. (6/18) JeremyCondit (11:41:50 AM): btw, i was just at andronico's, and i saw this girl who looked just like leslie [yeh, a mutual friend]! except, bigger. i mean, proportionally, you know? JeremyCondit (11:42:02 AM): i think it was mostly the shades and the half-ponytail that did it. gwenshen (11:42:03 AM): er ... i think? gwenshen (11:42:20 AM): you can call her "big leslie." JeremyCondit (11:42:29 AM): i shall! gwenshen (11:42:39 AM): "hey big leslie! you look just like a friend of mine named leslie, but you're bigger all around." i'm sure she'd ask you out in a second. JeremyCondit (11:42:42 AM): that's what i should've said, actually. "hey, big leslie." (6/18) Date: Tue, 18 Jun 2002 12:54:19 -0700 (PDT) From: Heather Chang <heather_chang> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: you already decided? to go with denim? when was that? i like salsa too -- it's kinda different and retro. i don't like the name "salsa," mind you... hc me: hey, do you know the song by truth hurts? skoo: i don't know... me: you know? the song that sounds indian? [singing song] skoo: [recognition] OH! she's really ugly? me: [laughing] yes! skoo: oh my gosh, so ugly! i have to turn the channel when the video comes on! and now when i hear the song on the radio i have to turn the channel too! (6/18) jason: i'm watching training day, so that's why i'm talking like this. me: sure, i understand. you know my studies. jason: yeah, were you the only -- me: no, there was actually another asian girl. jason: you know about those asian girls...i see a lot of them on soul train! i think they like the brothers! me: riiiight. and why were you watching soul train?! (6/18) Date: Wed, 19 Jun 2002 11:15:30 -0700 (PDT) From: Leslie Yeh <lyeh> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: check out my .plan dude, i haven't talked to you in like forever. big Leslie, hmmm, might have been me. I've been sort of heavy lately. Not like Heavy D. Just Heavier. -l [my next-door neighbor at the office and i constantly fight about volume] joshy: did he just leave, lock his door ... with the radio on?!! me: you know -- i'm going to write that down and send it to him. joshy: what a jerk! (6/19) gwenshen (12:52:11 PM): did you see the coverage of k-town [world cup] celebrations yesterday? it was awesome!! asian people can be excited about something after all! SkoobyKoo (12:52:45 PM): no, i didn't SkoobyKoo (12:53:01 PM): my mom said she and my dad stayed up to watch the game and were jumping up and down and screaming when they won, though SkoobyKoo (12:53:06 PM): i would have paid to see that (6/19) boss' boss: so i wanted to talk about our diversity initiative...lashawn, jeremiah, and i were on the committee... lori (lesbian co-worker): what about the gay person?! boss' boss: how do you know there wasn't one? lori: you're right, i don't... eddie: we're just treating you guys like regular people! (6/19) Date: Wed, 19 Jun 2002 18:24:13 -0700 From: Jay Wiley <jwiley> To: porges, Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: RE: vegas, babies? ah, so jealous. maybe I could swing home then -- unlikely, though... too early. probably won't take any serious time off until august or so. may go to vegas anyway without you ladies next weekend. probably won't have the opportunity to hit your floor of the strip club though. btw -- porgie, I was thinking of you last night as I watched the first DVD (yes, there are two, painful as it is) of "Pearl Harbor". A surprisingly well-shot movie with terri-bla acting. Anyway -- I was thinking of you during the fight scene right after the Jap planes kicked our ass on Dec 7th. I just imagined you (a.k.a. Ben Afleck) fighting thousands of Jap planes all by yourself... well, except for your handy sidekick Josh Harnett. Please don't fight entire empires in a ghetto jet prop airplane all by yourself... I won't be able to sleep -- ok, that's a lie, I have no problem sleeping. I will be sad though. [she has freakishly small feet] gkwak: i used to think that korea had my shoe size...but now they've moved up. i'm off the edge! (6/20) ttt: so i'm getting on the subway now...i'll be back at about midnight my time but it'll be early for you, so should i just call you? me: sure! [singing] "call me..." ttt: oh! verizon! do you know who people are saying i look like now? me: oh no...tweet?! what? no. you are much better looking than her. she looks like a half-south asian freak. ttt: brandy had a baby! [ttt has always resembled brandy] me: really? ttt: oh girl you DON'T NOT KNOW! you're supposed to be on top of this! me: i...i... ttt: and do you know the baby's name? s-y-apostrophe-r-a-i? what is that?! it better not be some funky "sarah." like let's not complicate things, when you name somebody "christopher" do not spell it with 2 f's and 2 r's... (6/20) Date: Thu, 20 Jun 2002 21:02:47 -0700 (PDT) From: Marisa Porges <mlporges> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen>, wiley Subject: Re: for posterity's sake yo jay u have im/ iff so, u can get on drunkin im too[ ues very fun ha ha i must go fly plane tomorrow no, just pracutice love it you shld come visit nothign better than life here really ha ha ha love you porgie ttt: ok, i'm going to bed...i'll let you know how "hot in herre" works out... me: i'm going to send you a nelly poster. ttt: no! it would scare me at night! me: you know, i have a 4x4 (feet) one... ttt: that's so big! he's so ugly! he looks like an ugly chris rock on crack! me: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ttt: and you know this! yes you do! [pause] i can't believe brandy has a baby! i feel like i should have a baby before brandy has a baby. and it really makes me upset b/c i keep thinking about [singing] "i wanna be dowwwwn..." she's moesha! "mo to the, e to the!" i mean... "moesha!" how can moesha have a baby? (6/20) me: so what CDs do you want? nelly? hot in herre? jk: yeah, definitely nelly! me: what about truth hurts? jk: eh...isn't she weird? there's something weird about her in the video! me: well, she's ugly. jk: yeah! that's it! (6/23) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 6/24-6/30] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- chuck: [walking into my office at 9 am] i am SO MAD AT YOU. me: why?!!! chuck: your scooter. just there. posted! (6/24) [i had received a call from her with just random noise on the other line] "i don't know what happened there, i gotta say i'm befuddled...maybe my ass was subconsciously trying to speak with you?" (k, 6/22) [after korea's sad world cup loss] me: there's only one cute guy on the team. gkwak: who? which one? which one do you like? me: #16? gkwak: oh, doctor cha? me: i don't know his name! he's tall, he has short hair... gkwak: yeah, doctor cha! me: why do you call him doctor cha? gkwak: because he's d r cha! --- [i was trying to reason with a vegetarian] me: there are 6 billion shrimps in the world! gkwak: that's how many chinese people there are. (6/24) [the day after the nelly party, where we had chased around charli baltimore after realizing it was her] me: too bad we didn't see ja rule. esther: yeah...remember charli baltimore? me: [laughing] oh yeah. esther: you were like "that ain't charli baltimore...she's not cute!" and i was like, "charli baltimore is not cute! that's horrible reasoning for why it's not charli baltimore!" (6/26) [weekly sales meeting] jesse: all we have today is the new release from lil' wayne, 500 degreez. basically the reason it's called 500 degreez is b/c lil' wayne and juvenile are having beef. chrys: uh oh, it's hot in herre. me: it's really hot in herre! it's 500 degreez hotter! --- boss's boss: gwen, anything? me: nothing to report...and i don't even have movie trailers... joshy: i have a rosey video... all: NO!! boss's boss: i'm sure we at least have a movie trailer to show... me: i just told you i didn't! boss's boss: so matt [visitor from home office], what are your observations on this motley crew? matt: just soaking it all in... dave: [under breath] they don't like rosey... (6/26) lashawn: [laughing] so how are you holding up? me: poorly. lashawn: i called esther to see how she was doing... me: yeah she told me! lashawn: and i totally forgot to call you out in the meeting!! i was going to say that you stopped nelly IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS SET to tell him that you made those posters! hahahahahaha! me: no, you really weren't. i can't even believe i told you that. i wanted a picture! and he wasn't even rapping his own songs anymore... (6/26) k: where are you right now? me: i'm going to a show. i don't want to go b/c i'm totally f***ed from last night's nelly bet awards afterparty...do you know who nelly is? k: furtado? me: [sigh] no, the rapper. k: oh! [pause] black guy? me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (6/26) me: girl...i have so much to tell you! ttt: [whispering] i'm on a shoot right now [for nbc news]. me: oop -- my bad. ttt: can i call you tonight? me: yeah, totally cool. ttt: worldcom is kicking my ass! [click] (6/27) me: you're going to love the nelly cd...i have a copy in my car. jay: is it good? me: yeah. and you're going to love the song with destiny's child girl! jay: oh, michelle? me: no, kelly. jay: oh, the d*** b****, as i called her once? [cf. 7/10/01] (6/27) Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 08:50:19 -0700 From: Jay S. Wiley <jwiley> To: "Gwen Shen (E-mail)" <gwenshen> Subject: It's Hot... It's Hot in HERRE! Song rocks... love it.... "with a little bi a... [ah, ah]". As you expected, I'm not a huge fan of "Work It" or whatever s*** he htrew together with my boy, Justin. Don't bring the buddy down like that. "I've been thinking a lot about you recently, because I'm living with underrepresented minorities this summer! It is off the hizza. Most people in my program are pretty cool. We bicker a lot, though. I often get into it with Nick from Jamaica. Living with a lot of chill island, black and latino people is pretty relaxing. We smoke a lot of weed and eat a lof fried food. But there are two wackass, lying hos. One of whom I share a bathroom with, so you know I'm extra careful so as not to catch one of her nasty STDs." (anon, 6/28) jenn: [upset] ok...why do vietnamese people have 100 things on their menu? me: [laughing] because that's the beauty of asian food! so much variety! jenn: but there are [counting] ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-SEVEN things on this menu! do you know how overwhelming this is to a white person??!!! (6/28) ttt: i don't know her very well since we never sang together... me: well, she and [other pitch] had beef. ttt: why did they have beef? me: well you know, when two diva-minded ladies get together... ttt: oh... [knowingly] like britney and christina. me: hahahaha! oh ttt. ttt: mariah and whitney? me: hahahaha! ttt: i'm so mad...why is whitney a crackhead? --- me: it was fun in therre... ttt: i don't understand! that isn't how you say "here"! who the hell made that up?! (6/29) [i was in a drag bar with a very straight friend] "there's no transvestites in here! this place sucks!!" (jason, 6/29) me: so have you been keeping up with soccer? ... liz: well, the other day i called john lee, which i never do ... me: [to susanna] do you know john lee? susanna: um...i think so. liz: right, well i called him to ask if he was going to some surgery dinner or something, and when he called me back later, this is what he said: "[dopey voice] liz, before i start, i wanted to congratulate you..." and i was like "why??" and he said "because korea won. yeah. ok, so what did you call me about?" (6/30) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 7/1-7/3] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 1 Jul 2002 11:23:12 -0400 (EDT) From: Ken <kshen> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> what's all the fuss on your .plan about nelly? are you buds with nelly? you stopped him in the middle of a set? shimmy shimmy cocoa puff? what is the .plan for thursday? when are you coming in? what am i doing? where am i? this cappuchino is hitting me hard. no, not really. but i did only get 4 hours of sleep because there's this damn crow outside my window every morning at 5. "caw! caw!" "shut the f*** up!" that is all. -little bro ken G shen (11:56:34 AM): how is the scotter? ken G shen (11:56:38 AM): that would be scooter gwenshen (11:56:42 AM): it's spanking. as long as you don't tell mom and dad. ken G shen (11:57:25 AM): cool ken G shen (11:57:27 AM): be careful ken G shen (11:57:29 AM): wear a helmet ken G shen (11:57:32 AM): don't drink and drive ken G shen (11:57:35 AM): try not to race the hogs (7/1) Date: Mon, 1 Jul 2002 21:29:19 -0400 (EDT) From: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> To: jwiley Subject: Re: Yahoo! News Story - Record sales really are stuck in a downward groove i love how you think i don't know about these news stories already. hello!! what do you think we talk about all day at work?? aside from how ugly beyonce's hair is. G Date: Tue, 2 Jul 2002 09:33:19 -0700 From: Jay S. Wiley <jwiley> To: 'Gwen Shen' <gwenshen> Subject: RE: Yahoo! News Story - Record sales really are stuck in a downwardgroove I know -- that's like you sending me a story about the HP-Compaq merger, or sending a prostitute a story about the AIDS epidemic. It's your lifeblood... I just like the little windows I open into your very mysterious world. I need a fiance like beyonce. J Date: Wed, 3 Jul 2002 10:27:42 -0700 From: "Fan, Victoria" <Victoria.Fan> Subject: go brazil!!! hey you taiwanese hookers! s'up!!! so did any of you fools watch the world cup? i stayed up all night on sat and watched the game.. i'm pretty upset with myself bc i haven't watched all the games leading up to the brazil-germany match!! damn silvia you lucky dog - those brazilian boys are HOT!!! it's so confusing tho bc everyones' name on the team is the exact same - renoldo, revoldo, rebenvoldo.. always begins with an r and ends with an o!! very sexy!! anyway, who the hell is #5 on the team - HOT HOT HOT!! and #9 is pretty damn fine too!! anon (11:36:43 AM): all right, so you will think this is hilarious. anon (11:37:05 AM): happened a few days ago, but we haven't really chatted since anon (11:37:14 AM): so, [boyfriend] sprained his tongue. anon (11:37:15 AM): ahem. (7/3) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from ny, 7/4-7/10] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- me: [in the car on way to lax] what time is your [volleyball] tournament? snags: 830. me: whoa. why so early? snags: well, most tournaments start at 830... me: um, and why is your church so athletic? snags: it's NOT athletic! i'm playing with ahjumahs [korean for old ladies]! me: hahahahahaha!! snags: it's 9-person, like in elementary school! and two women have to play -- and we play on women's net. luckily the other woman on my team is sort of young...but the others are ahjumahs! i think some of them wear plastic visors -- and it's indoors! me: did you say women's net? snags: yes! last week these ahjushis [korean for old men] were measuring themselves up to the net, and they were saying, in korean!, "why is this net so high?" and i was muttering under my breath, "women's net!" (7/4) "oh that's why i was drunk! I had *8* drinks! (not 7)" (ken, 7/5) [she was surprised with a wet shower from above while trying to wash her feet in the tub -- i had been the last to use it] letty: gwen!! [motioning to shower/tub switch] you turn it OFF, [motioning to faucet] then you turn it OFF!!! me: [gasping for air] this is one of those things where, when i'm having a glum day... letty: you'll think of me and i'll cheer you up. glad to be of service, glad to be of service!! (7/5) me: i can't wait to take you to hop-d (house of peking duck) tomorrow. your socks will be knocked off! ken: [looking down] no socks. me: i'm writing that down! ken: no!! [pause] i like making your plan. it makes me feel nice. (7/6) [the waiter at a korean restaurant was very surly towards us] skwang: you know, the same thing happened in los angeles when my friends and i went to that place, what is it called? me: i'm sure it was hodori. skwang: and if you have a small country complex just b/c you don't have any people...! --- ken: why does he hate us? what did we do? skwang: it's because we're the middle kingdom, and everything started with us! jkwang: china is not middle kingdom! skwang: what do you think "zhong guo" [chinese for "china"] means?!! [answer: middle kingdom] (7/6) jk: [looking at ad for the pokemon center in nyc] oh, pikachu's so cute! obviously he's some sort of elephant! all: [shocked] ken: what the f***. his nose is a dot, there's no trunk...that's all that distinguishes an elephant from a rodent. me: [peering closer] no. his nose is a pixel. you must be really drunk. jk: i'm am noooooot!! --- me: hey ingrid. what kind of animal is pikachu? ingrid: chinchilla? ken: THERE we go! me: jessica said it was an elephant. jk: i DID NOT! i said it was some SORT OF elephant!!! (7/7) [we went karaoke-ing and he sang "living on a prayer" -- very badly] jk: your voice broke my hair clip! cav: what?! jk: i did have my hands to my ears...but the instant you started singing, it just went [snap]! cav: i'm sorry...let me try and fix it... jk: now my hair's gonna be out of control! (7/7) [in the museum of natural history's hall of african mammals] ken: hey...pikachu! [it was the east african elephant] (7/7) Date: Sun, 7 Jul 2002 12:43:58 -0700 (PDT) From: James Ko <jyko> To: gwenshen Subject: europe Gwen, I'm in Amsterdam right now--don't worry, I'm not high! -----Original Message----- From: Shen, Gwen Sent: Tuesday, July 09, 2002 10:25 AM To: 'Chow, Corinne'; 'Cheng, Kelly' Subject: The H Club is located at 27 West 44th (b/w 6th and 5th on the north side of the street, pretty easy to miss so make sure you write down the address number). I don't think any of us will have a problem with the dress code which I have copied and pasted below. It is really quite ridiculous if you ask me. Let's meet in the lobby at 1 pm? RSVP back to this email address. G -----Original Message----- From: Corinne Chow Sent: Tuesday, July 09, 2002 7:25 AM To: 'Shen, Gwen'; 'Cheng, Kelly' Subject: RE: The H Club yeah, i looked at the dress code too and i think i might be violating it. i'm wearing a (*gasp!*) sleeveless shirt that is of t-shirt material. but it's french connection! gwen - do you have a black cardigan or something that i'd be able to throw over it if they're anal (which they will be because it's haaaaaaah-vad)? 1:00 should work for me. would you be able to push it up at all though - i think they might miss me less if i'm gone while everyone else is going in and out for lunch... maybe even 12:45? -----Original Message----- From: Shen, Gwen Sent: Tuesday, July 09, 2002 10:38 AM To: 'Corinne Chow'; 'Cheng, Kelly' Subject: RE: The H Club 12:45 is fine with me. Let's meet in the lobby. As for the sleeveless shirt of t-shirt material, I think you will be fine. (I don't have any cardigans anyway, just the white one I need to be wearing.) Sleeveless is fine as long as it's not a beach tank top -- OR MADE OF DENIM!!! Damn, they must have a bias against the Old West or something. -----Original Message----- From: Corinne Chow Sent: Tuesday, July 09, 2002 7:36 AM To: 'Shen, Gwen'; 'Cheng, Kelly' Subject: RE: The H Club well, if i've been escorted out of the lobby by the time you get there, i'll be waiting for you out on the street. where i belong. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from pensacola, 7/10-7/14] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 10 Jul 2002 13:41:09 -0400 From: [anon] To: gwenshen Subject: where in the world is.... [high school classmate]....a pearl lost to us all.... me: should i wear t-shirt or tank top [for our exciting trip to walmart]? porgie: whatever's more comfortable. me: i guess i'll wear a tank top...but it's a wifebeater. porgie: [looking] yeah it is a wifebeater. me: well, when in pensacola, do as pensacolans do. hey, what do they call people who live in pensacola anyway? porgie: rednecks. (7/11) [i had left him a msg from poolside while he was toiling at the office] me: hello? jay: you're a b****. me: hey there! porgie's here, and she wants to talk to you... jay: can i just go back and reiterate my first point? (7/11) [re: drunken amazon.com purchases] porgie: it [last flight of noah's ark video] arrived already?! scott: well, i ordered it on july 4th... porgie: you have to be careful!! [to me] remember [male college friend]? well he came home drunk from some pudding party -- and ordered the unabridged!, webster's dictionary! it showed up a few days later and he opened the door and it was just there -- all 80 lbs. of it! (7/11) Date: Fri, 12 Jul 2002 11:23:50 -0700 From: "Fan, Victoria" <Victoria.Fan> Subject: go brazil!!! mei mei and i weren't able to meet up since my friends and i were indulging in "adult entertainment" in vegas and we all know mei mei is just a little youngin.. chippendales was good.. afterwards, we went clubbing then to strip clubs (female ones).. the first one didn't let us in bc they thought we were hookers and wanted to steal the clientel and the second strip club "escorted" us out of the establishment bc they also thought we were hookers..finally, we find some "men to escort" us into a strip club.. now it's 5am.. these men happen to be really wealthy and young.. and purchased one hour lap dances for holly and i for $1,000.. it was a crazy night. so i'm off to chicago tonight for a wedding.. i HATE chicago.. total white trash.. Date: Fri, 12 Jul 2002 18:00:40 EDT From: Chsu10 Subject: Re: go brazil!!! I'm having a fine summer with class and my side job. I give walking ghost tours around historic Savannah. I know it must sound hokey but the hours are good, the pay is much more than I expected, and it gives me the chance to improve speaking to large groups of strangers. I wasn't a believer but I saw some f***ed up s*** on a guy's videocamera at one of the stops of the tour. In a nutshell, a face appeared in the window of a vacant house with no explanation whatsoever. Creepy man. porgie: i used to have a mitsubishi eclipse...it was silver! me: really?! i just don't see you driving a japanese car... porgie: yeah! i called it luni! me: what?! porgie: for lunar eclipse!! me: [pause] you know, this conversation was going really well... (7/12) porgie: well, that was one of the more interesting bathroom trips i've had...i slammed my finger in the stall -- so hard!, i almost deferred my trip to the bathroom. but i was already in the stall, so i stuck with it. and then, as i was finishing up, i got walked in on! me: because you hadn't locked the door? porgie: yes!!! [doubling over with laughter] me: at least you didn't step on a 4-pronged cactus. [happened to me earlier in the day] (7/13) "hi gwen! it's ttt, i got your message...i'm sorry [chuckle], there's a little bit of a story here. when they asked me to come to la, the first thing i thought was, 'oh my god! my braids! they need to be done!' and so, i came home this weekend just to get my braids redone because i need them to look good when i go to california. isn't that so funny? ok [cracking up], i'm so beholden to my hair. but anyways i just wanted to say hi, i'm sorry you're sunburned ... also, i'm flying into long beach, which is kind of weird i feel, cause isn't that where like, the rappers [censored] -- don't ever repeat that i just said that by the way. ok, call me back if you can, bye!" (7/14) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 7/15-7/21] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 15 Jul 2002 10:08:15 -0700 (PDT) From: corinne chow <corinnechow> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: Re: ah well, too bad about JITB you FOOL!!! you insolent fool!!! were my parting words to you not, "sunblock. lots of it!"?!?! [i had accidentally closed the chat window but luckily she had not] Date: Mon, 15 Jul 2002 18:52:58 -0700 From: k To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen> Subject: blue ass *** gwenshen signed on at Mon Jul 15 17:19:24 2002. k: i just managed to get a huge blue ink stain on my ass. k: (white pants. of course.) k: i am so pissed. gwenshen: whoa. how did this happen? writing with your ass again? k: sat on my co-worker's desk. k: bastard left a blue pen open k: bastard! bastard! gwenshen: sorry -- sitting on his desk? as in, gearing up for th'ol' lap dance? what the heezy... k: that's right, legs spread (7/15) gwenshen (6:48:32 PM): are you there? don't close the screen! i need your ass story!!!!! Auto response from kcm1535 (6:48:33 PM): I'm away right now. gwenshen (6:48:35 PM): the one about being blue. k (8:17:56 AM): WHAT are we doing up so early, pray tell? k (8:20:40 AM): oh i see, we've been idle for 13 hours. haha k (8:20:50 AM): well, must briefly share with you an update from last night, which you'll enjoy when you get in k (8:21:27 AM): so i removed my (blue-spotted) pants soon after i got home, in the hopes of moving the stain k (8:21:46 AM): left them to soak in the sink as i got ready to hop in the shower k (8:22:41 AM): only out of the corner of my eye did i catch briefly another streak of blue k (8:23:08 AM): i looked again, and lo and behold, there was a huge blue spot on my bare naked ass! gwenshen (11:57:41 AM): i muchly enjoyed your anecdote. gwenshen (11:57:48 AM): as i stroll into the office. after running errands for like 4 hours. k (12:06:18 PM): blue ass!! blue ass!! gwenshen (12:07:08 PM): all righty. time to hit the ol' plan. (7/16) [vacation leftover -- conversation with random stranger at a new york bar] me: believe it or not, there were two asian girls in my department... louis: so did you ever think of being the first asian lil' kim or something? me: i like rap, but 1. i like to wear clothes, 2. i don't rap. louis: you could be kim dorky dork or sum'n! --- [during discussion about lack of asians in hip-hop] louis: is there no angst in the asian community? me: well, there's the whole piano v. violin thing... louis: [whiny voice] "i don't wanna go to med school!" --- louis: i got dunked on by an asian the other day! ken: you got what? me: dang. that's crazy. i don't know any asians that can dunk. louis: i mean, what's the average height, 5'5"? --- me: mmm...here, try this toasted almond. ken: [sipping] it tastes like f***in' candy! [pause] it tastes like christmas! ho ho ho ho ho! merrrrry christmas! (7/4) "yo gwen, this is chuck. hope all is well, you doin' good. but i just seen [chuckling] a really big fat guy on your bike just now, the exact same one you have! if you think i look corny on your bike...then this guy, looks real corny!" (7/13) [you had to be there the one time she played beer pong with us] rocks: they're playing ping-pong downstairs, so that's where i'm gonna go now. me: ok rocks! go play ping-pong. [sing-songy] but don't smash the ball when you're trying to save it! rocks: [tentative] i'm sorry, it already happened... me: hahahahahahaha!! rocks: i just can't help it! (7/16) [he's coming with me to the austin powers premiere on monday] Date: Wed, 17 Jul 2002 16:13:26 -0700 From: Jay S. Wiley <jwiley> To: 'Gwen Shen' <gwenshen> Subject: RE: my e-mail > i don't know, you can either wear a crushed velvet suit or jeans and a > t-shirt. no dress code. but think of all the babes you want to pick up. > LIKE BEYONCE! I'll go shopping for something cool maybe... a britney T-shirt? [this was actually on mtv when i turned it on tonight] "Crashing with Master P & Lil Romeo 30 min. Lil' Romeo and Master P "rough it" for two days, staying in the home of a Shreveport, La., family in order to discover what life is like outside of five-star resorts. Also detailed: how the family deals with the presence of the rap stars." (7/21) [re: dodgers pitcher kazuhisa ishii at bat] "the best we can hope is he gets hit by a pitch." (brian, 7/19) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [notes from la, 7/22-7/28] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2002 16:00:37 -0400 (EDT) From: Ken <kshen> To: Gwen Shen <gwenshen>, wshen Subject: Re: brothers! hello all. the parents were just up here. we had a good time. the lion king is pretty excellent. they have giraffes. Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2002 18:29:56 -0700 From: Susan Koo <skoo78> To: gwenshen Subject: two quotes from my conversation with my sister: "Do you like going to L.A.? Do you get to see your friends? Like the ones who say 'Hella' all the time?" "I was watching 10-year olds on jeopardy on TV and it made me think of your friend who always says 'Hella'." [at the austin powers premiere screening] me: so because he took me to see the giants vs. dodgers, i reciprocated by taking him to the outkast show afterwards... jay: the only song i know by them is "i'm sorry ms. johnson." me/vitch: ... ! --- me: [putting together list of celebrities we saw] nobody saw seth green? vitch: nope...our only hope. me: huh? vitch: yeah, when i told win we had to sneak into the afterparty, she said "seth green's your best chance!" --- radio station person: our next trivia question is, how tall is "mini me"? audience member: 36 inches! radio person: well, what's that? (7/22) [i had handed him a bigger towel while he was in the shower] jay: so do you know that when you knocked on the door, you were like [charlie brown teacher voice] "waah waah waah waah waah waah," and i was like, what? and then you were like, "waah waah waah waah waah waah." me: [cracking up] jay: and i was like -- [haaaay voice] okaaaay ... i'm a smart guy, i can figure it out... (7/23) umvd vp: pardon my ignorance...but what culture is bellydancing from? label guy: egyptian ... it's what they used to do way back in the day before they sold the ho! (7/23) wen: so have you crashed your scooter yet? me: no... wen: what color is it? baby blue? me: no, dark blue... wen: [pause] martha wants to know if it's "barbie pink." me: it is NOT. wen: [pause] and...does it have streamers hanging from the handles? me: it does NOT. (7/23) me: [showing co-worker a new r&b cd] hey have you heard of her? co-w: [looking at cover] no, and quite honestly -- i thought it was a man. me: ouch. (7/24) Date: Wed, 24 Jul 2002 12:54:48 PDT From: wshen To: gwenshen, kshen Subject: Re: brothers! Dear Sibs : What's up. Ken, hope things are going well in the land of Einstein. Let me know your official date of arrival so I can plan my life around carting your physics-studying ass home from the airport. Also, let's plan on going to a Giants game that week. Gwen, I am excited for AP3 -- o/w known as Goldmember. I guess the parents are planning a family getwaway that weekend. Hopefully there won't be too much nagging the children re. graduate school, white girlfriends with indeterminate ages, etc. I do not want any more "Joy Luck Club" type scenes ("You don't know the power you have over me, etc.") Wen me: i'm going up north in august, [blah blah blah] haven't been up north in a while, [blah blah blah]. skoo: [much later] so "up north" is san francisco, and not canada? --- skoo: [in korean restaurant] they have mandu (dumpling) just for you. me: what? skoo: they have mandu just for you. me: [looking at menu] oh. heh heh heh!! [it said "goon man du."] (7/24) "[to co-worker] get away! i did not special order it! i swear to god you get away from me with that krazy glue. [later] i pray to god that you krazy glued yourself, to yourself." (ken on the phone, 7/25) gwenshen (4:40:51 PM): i am so tired. i have to work out for 2 hours and then i am being forced into compulsory clubbing. otherwise i will forever be branded a flake. SkoobyKoo (4:41:41 PM): compulsory clubbing SkoobyKoo (4:41:44 PM): of a baby seal? (7/25) co-worker: you have to tell me about monday. me: yeah...beyonce, her hair was huge. co-worker: i saw that! access hollywood! she was like a lion! (7/24) [cf. 5/29] me: so i don't get it if he was being catty... hc: NO! that's not what i said! i said CHATTY! me: OH! [pause] you know, this reminds me of the shee-d incident... hc: F*** you! and that is NOT to be repeated! me: too late. it's already on my plan. hc: s***. (7/25) Date: Fri, 26 Jul 2002 18:06:01 -0500 From: leslie.hsu To: gwenshen my cable modem is out and not gonna be fixed until monday. writing you a letter. will try to survive the weekend, but will be hard without cable modem. if you don't ever hear from me again, the lack of cable modem killed me. -L [nelly's "hot in herre" was playing at the club] jane: what just happened. sue: [putting her shirt back on] veronica is buying me a drink now. --- jane: so where are you going now? sam: chingoo... jane: have you guys heard of a club called chingoo? ("friend" in korean) all: no... jane: why do they call it that? i mean, i know it means friend... sue: it must be because korean people are so FRIENDLY... esther: yeah that's why you're best friends with three of them... sue: maybe they need to be reminded or something! (7/27) Date: Sun, 28 Jul 2002 17:44:45 -0700 (PDT) From: corinne chow <corinnechow> To: "Shen, Gwen" <gwenshen> hey you... whatcha been up to? anything new going on in your life? mine's about the same as it's always been - nothing new. i just got my punching bag though, so that's adding a little bit of excitement to my life. it was so ghett though - you're supposed to use a hose or something to fill it (it's a free-standing waterbag, not one of those that you hang from the ceiling), but since i didn't have a hose, i had to use my brita pitcher and a funnel. sigh... it took about 50 trips to the bath tub to fill it. Date: Sun, 28 Jul 2002 17:54:01 -0700 From: Jay S. Wiley <jwiley> To: "Gwen Shen (E-mail)" <gwenshen> Subject: btw that remy cd is pretty cool -- very different, very chill. the rakim cd with the scary/skanky cover ain't half bad either, save that freaky s*** she's got on track 2 and the collect call from the inmate on track 4 [he means the cd by truth hurts, i believe] J all past entries can be found below 7/97-8/97 in the beginning... 9/97-5/98 sophomore year 6/98-8/99 junior year 9/99-6/00 senior year 7/00-2/01 hometown girl 2/01-5/01 three months in taiwan 6/01-7/01 last summer of fun 8/01-1/02 first six months in la 2/02-7/02 second six months in la 8/02-10/02 starting year two 11/02-12/02 winter 1/03-4/03 more of the same 5/03-7/03 end of an era 8/03-10/03 back in town 11/03-4/04 cruising along 5/04-9/04 cold fun summer 10/04-4/05 never scared 5/05- most recent developments you can also read it all at once (oh, go ctrl-F yourself)

Go back to the .plan Go back to the main page Created: 09/13/02 / Updated: 08/07/04 email gwenshen

`all past entries can be found below`
`7/97-8/97 in the beginning... 9/97-5/98 sophomore year 6/98-8/99 junior year 9/99-6/00 senior year 7/00-2/01 hometown girl 2/01-5/01 three months in taiwan 6/01-7/01 last summer of fun 8/01-1/02 first six months in la 2/02-7/02 second six months in la`	`8/02-10/02 starting year two 11/02-12/02 winter 1/03-4/03 more of the same 5/03-7/03 end of an era 8/03-10/03 back in town 11/03-4/04 cruising along 5/04-9/04 cold fun summer 10/04-4/05 never scared 5/05- most recent developments`
`you can also read it all at once (oh, go ctrl-F yourself)`